The Five Ages of Seifer Almasy
by jemisard
Summary: A spell goes awry and Zell is left nursing the consequences. A lot will change as Zell is inflicted with the five ages of Seifer Almasy. (sap, shounen-ai, SeiferZell) Complete.
1. Age Nineteen

From the word go, Zell knew it was going to be one of those days.

That sort of day where fate is conspiring against you to make your life a living hell, and totally miserable.

He was woken up at five by banging on his door, got accused of sleeping with someone called Jenit, had his face punched, missed the hot dogs because he was in the infirmary then missed breakfast entirely when Squall called him in to the office to give him an emergency mission to deal with a new to power sorceress who was wreaking havoc in Balamb.

But it got better.

Irvine, Selphie and Quistis were in Trabia. Nida was on holiday, Xu was in the infirmary and Squall had a meeting to attend.

Which left Seifer.

Hence, he was now sitting in a car, racing towards Balamb town, being driven by a smirking Seifer.

It wasn't that he hated Seifer, he didn't. He just hated being near the older boy.

"Just keep outta the way, chicken wuss, until we know what she does."

"I know, Seifer." He managed to growl between clenched teeth. "I do know protocol. I wasn't the one who flunked out twice."

"Touche, Chickie." Seifer grinned and spun the wheel, screaming them around a corner, nearly cleaning up the signpost. Zell screeched and grabbed his seat.

"For Hyne's sake, Seifer, slow down!"

"Tch, we need to get there ASAP, remember?" The taller boy through the car around another corner, only just slamming on the brakes as they reached the blast zone.

Grateful to be alive, Zell stumbled out of the car, taking a few deep breaths. "I drive back."

"You don't have a license."

"I do too." Zell said quietly. Okay, it was for a motorbike, but anything was better than another trip with Seifer.

Whatever the swordsman had been about to say was lost as a blast tore through the car. Both SeeDs dove behind the now melting metal lump, Zell scrambled to pull on his gloves properly.

Seifer slid his Gunblade from its sheath under his coat. The new blade was a temporary one until the Hyperion was fixed, he handled it awkwardly, tugging off his gloves to make his finger fit in the trigger. "God fucking damn, I hate this thing."

Another blast rocked the car. Zell winced and peered over the hood. "I can see her."

"Yeah?"

"About ten metres away. About sixteen, glowing pink and red."

"Shit. I hate it when it's kids." Seifer mumbled.

Zell turned with a slightly surprised look, but Seifer was gone, charging towards her, with Gunblade drawn.

"Back down now, and we won't have to do this the hard way, girl!"

The martial artist leapt to catch up with his companion, skidding to a halt next to him. "C'mon, miss, you don't want to do this."

She laughed and hurled her hand at them, fire spurting forwards. Seifer stepped in front of Zell, absorbing the flame like it was rain. "Come on, we're SeeD. We don't wanna hurt you. Edea can help you."

"Fools! I am a sorceress!" She cackled and hurled her hand again.

Flame gouted forth once more. Seifer closed his eyes and took it, arms spread to protect Zell. "Quit it, kid!"

She screamed with fury and pointed to the sky. Zell pushed Seifer down, letting the lightning crackle over him. It stung, but no where near as much as it should have. "Seifer, she ain't listening."

Seifer nodded as he stood up, Gunblade restless in his hands. "Summon, I'll cover."

The one thing that made Seifer tolerable. His rigorous training with Edea before returning to Garden had calmed him down, made him more aware of his companions. Zell closed his eyes and touched Quezacotl, bringing out the lightning bird.

It was fast, but not as fast as he used to be. Irvine had borrowed him during a trip to Centra.

In the mean time, he watched as Seifer closed his eyes and raised a hand, casually flicking his wrist forwards. Ice flung over the area, the girl screamed as one pierced into her thigh, another hitting her shoulder.

Then, Zell felt winds sweep him away and back, and the girl was glaring at them, clutching at the burns on her chest. "I'll kill you!"

"Seifer! Sleep!"

The boy nodded and held one hand to his chest before pointing again. The spell trickled over her, she shook it off. "I won't become a brainwashed fool like the rest of you!"

The martial artist ran in during her tirade and punched her in the side of the head, hoping to knock her out. She reeled and clutched, swiping at him as he jumped out of range.

"Die!"

Her spell washed past them both. Zell felt his stomach knot, Seifer shrugged off the effect like it was nothing. "C'mon, girl! That the best you got?"

"Seifer, don't..." Zell stood up, trying to clear his head. He kept on seeing the skull in front of him, he knew he needed to get the curse off him before it struck him down.

She screamed again, but Seifer was quicker. He dashed forwards, blade swinging upwards and through her. She crumpled to the ground.

Seifer walked over to where Zell had fallen to the ground, rubbing at his head and face. A bottle was shoved under his nose, the smaller boy gratefully took it and downed the contents. "She was a bit crazy, huh?"

"Yeah." Seifer looked about. "Crazy bloody bitch."

Zell smiled and rubbed his head a bit more as it cleared properly. "You dumb fuck..."

Seifer scowled and sheathed his Gunblade, eyes still full of life. "Come on, we gotta get walking if-"

The blue flame engulfed him. Zell screamed and saw the girl collapse, probably unconscious, maybe dead.

The light subsided, and Seifer's clothes were a pool on the ground.

That wasn't the worst of it.

In the middle lay a little blonde boy with a large scar across his face, apparently as confused as Zell was.

to be continued...


	2. Age Two

Zell stared for a few more moments as the toddler rubbed his eyes and looked around. The big green gaze turned to Zell, and the teen found himself smiling slightly, despite; or maybe because of; the shock. "Seifer?"

The boy stared and reached up to Zell, tiny mouth pouting in a way that was entirely Seifer.

The teen looked around. The girl was lying still, no one was willing to approach the blast zone.

"Come on then, Seifer." Zell bent over to pick up the child, noting how cool his skin was getting. "Wow, you're really little, huh?"

Green eyes blinked at him and small pudgy arms wrapped around his neck, the boy snuggling close and shivering. Zell picked up the large coat and wrapped it around the bundle he held, trying to warm the baby. "We better call this in, Seifer."

He felt a yawn against his neck and smiled, heading back to the ruined car to call this in.

0

The new car pulled up next to them and Squall stepped out. He was wearing his formal uniform, glaring at the pair. "You better not be jerking me about, Zell."

Zell looked up from where he sat, rocking the baby in his arms. "Shh. He's been asleep since I called, I don't want him to wake up. He was bad enough when he was full sized."

Squall stared at the little boy asleep in Zell's arms. Short blonde hair, scar across the bridge of his nose, it certainly seemed to be a very young Seifer. "Give him here."

Squall held out his arms and Zell reluctantly handed over the ex-bully to his commander. The brunette held the baby up, looking at him critically, hands under the tiny arms.

Green eyes blinked open and stared at Squall.

Then he started bawling.

Squall blinked and few times and looked about, eyes darting back and forth. Seifer continued to cry, legs kicking furiously as he tried to squirm away.

"Zell, take it. Stop that noise." Squall shoved the baby back at the younger boy, face betraying a touch of panic.

"He's not an it," Zell took Seifer back, rocking him in his arms. "Shh, it's okay, Seif, it's okay." He bounced on his heels and smiled encouragingly. "Hey, all good, yeah?"

Watery green eyes blinked at him and the baby hiccuped, sobs slowing down. Zell smiled and bounced him softly, tucking the coat around the boy more. "All better, Seif?"

Squall seemed to be struck silent with awe at the ease with which Zell quietened down the screaming child. "How'd you do that?"

"Do what?" Zell glanced up from grinning at Seifer. "Make him settle? Ma used to run a creche, I learnt to look after babies. No. I am not looking after him, someone at Garden can."

"Fine. Just, keep him until then." Squall walked over to the girl. "This her?"

"Yeah. She's alive, I checked."

"Good." Squall snapped a locator onto her wrist and set it. "Esthar will come and pick her up. Get in the car with the kid."

"Squall, it's Seifer." He held up the baby. "He's not it, he's not that kid, it's Seifer."

Squall glared at him, so he got in the car obediently and put Seifer on his lap. Squall piled in Seifer's clothes next to Zell and got in the driver's seat.

The ride was very quiet.

0

Zell took Seifer down to the infirmary. Doctor Kadowaki stared at the baby for a moment and then calmly listened to Zell's story about the sorceress.

Then she laughed, took the baby and started to talk baby talk at him.

The blonde was mildly disturbed at the way the doctor carried on for a good five minutes before settling down again.

"Well, we'll look into this, see if it can be reversed. I'll contact Edea. In the mean time, leave him here, we'll look after him. We can only hope it'll wear off."

The blonde nodded and looked at the waking up baby. "Well, I'll stop by and see how you are tomorrow, okay?"

"Ze'?"

Zell beamed. "He said my name!"

"Ze!" Pudgy arms reached up and the toddler laughed. "Ze!"

"He seems to be quite taken with you, Zell." Doctor Kadowaki looked at the boys. "I'm sure he'll be happy when you come back tomorrow."

Indecision tore Zell for a moment. Still, what were the odds of Seifer remembering any of this when it wore off? "I might stay a bit longer."

"If you want." Kadowaki picked up a list and looked at it. "I'll go and get some clothes for him, bottles, you know. You can stay with him. Don't let him get into anything."

Zell nodded, not looking away from the bouncing child. "Okay." He smoothed a hand over the sandy hair. "I bet you were a handful when you were a kid."

"Ze! Ze!"

"Yes, I'm Zell." He laughed and picked up Seifer, holding him at eye level. "And you're Seifer. Seifer." He lay him down and smiled slightly. "You really are a very cute kid, Seifer."

"Seffa!"

Zell laughed again and leant over the baby, touching his nose to the baby's. "Yeah, Seifer." He stuck out his tongue, giggled when Seifer mimicked him, going cross eyed trying to see his own tongue. "You silly kid."

"Seffa!"

"Yes, you're Seifer. I'm Zell." He leant back and looked around. "I can't imagine you living in here."

There was a quiet yawn followed by a hiccuping cry. Zell picked Seifer up, holding him against one shoulder. "You still sleepy, Seif?"

Seifer yawned again. Zell yawned and scowled. "Now you've got me doing it." He jostled the boy lightly. "C'mon, go to sleep for a while."

"Ze."

"You are talkative, aren't you?" Zell rocked back and forth. "Go to sleep, Seifer."

"Seep."

Zell smiled as the little voice trailed off drowsily.

"Everything all right, Zell?"

"Yeah." He turned back to the doctor. "He's talkative. How old do you think he is?"

She scratched her head. "I guess, about fourteen months, maybe a little more or less." She laid aside the huge pile of stuff she had. "You can settle him down on that bed."

Zell lay Seifer down on his back, stroking his hair again. "I should leave you to it, huh?"

"Probably best. He's going to need a mother for now." She came over and looked down on him. "Strange, to think that big, rough housing Seifer was such a small child once."

"Yeah." Zell looked away. "I better go back to my quarters and that. "

"Okay. Good night, Zell."

He walked out and went back to his room.

0

He went to the infirmary first thing in the morning. He heard the childish screaming as he came closer, wincing at the noise.

He peered inside, not game to open the door fully. He blinked and looked again, before stepping in.

Blankets and clothes were strewn about the room, a bottle lay on its side by the unmade bed. There was a ruckus from the other room, and another wail cut through the air.

Zell mussed his hair. "Hello?"

"Zell, I'm in here with Seifer."

He picked his way over to the next room and peered inside.

Doctor Kadowaki was sitting on the ground, holding a squirming child in her arms. Seifer was screaming and crying, face red, tears on his cheeks. "No no no! Ze!"

She looked up with tired eyes. "He started last night just after two and hasn't stopped since."

Seifer panted for breath, obviously a small break was needed even for a child to continue to scream, and he opened his eyes, looking up at Zell.

The blonde smiled. "Hey, Seif."

The baby stopped crying, holding up his arms. "Up, Ze. Seffa up."

Zell glanced at the doctor. "Do you want me to take him?"

"Hyne, please do. He's driving me crazy."

Zell picked up Seifer and pinched his nose lightly. "You causing problems, Seif?"

"Ze!" Seifer wriggled further into Zell's arms, snuggling himself in. "Ze back."

"Hey, you missed me, didja?" He bounced the kid on his hip. "Do you want me to dress him and stuff?"

She waved a hand. "You can damn well keep him. He's not staying here another night."

"Me? But, I don't have... I mean, it's Seifer, you're a doctor and stuff."

"And I need sleep. He likes you." She yawned. "I need my sleep. You keep him."

Zell stared at her. "But... SeeD. Missions. Baby. Not good."

"Ze? Hungy." Seifer tugged Zell's ear. "Hungy now."

"Hang on a moment, Seifer. Doctor, I can't take him. I'm a SeeD."

"For today then, please?" She looked desperate. "He hates me."

"But, he needs a mother, you said."

"And I need sleep." She waved him away. "I'll take him back tonight, just let me sleep."

"Hungy now, Ze! Hungy!" Seifer yelled in his ear.

"Ouch! Okay, okay, I get the point, Seif, calm down." He switched hips, and looked at the doctor. Noting that she was as good as asleep, he took Seifer outside to the main room. "Dress first, then we can eat."

He rummaged through the clothes and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that looked tiny in his hands. "Think these are okay?"

"Bleh." Seifer stood up and started to jump on the counter. "Hungy!"

"Be quiet, Seifer." Zell crouched the look the boy in the eye. "Dressed, then eat."

"Hungy now!"

"Seifer!" Zell grabbed one wrist and made the boy look at him. "Clothes first." He said firmly.

"Kay." Seifer looked down, lip trembling. "Ze mad."

"Shh, I'm not mad." Zell picked up the shorts and sat Seifer down, tugging the shorts over his legs. "Just very, very hungry."

Seifer let Zell dress him in the shorts and t-shirt, watching the sneakers go on with some apprehension. He kicked his feet for a while until Zell sat him up and brushed his hair back. "There, all dressed. We can go eat now."

He put Seifer on the floor, chuckling at the way the boy ran to the door, jumping up until the door opened at his presence. "Ze! Ze!"

Zell caught up and walked Seifer down to the cafeteria.

0

The wait was short. Zell discovered, very quickly, that having a brash and very adorable toddler yelling for food made people smile and step aside for you in the queue. In no time at all, they were at the front of the line.

"I'll have four hot dogs, the kid'll have..." he looked at the list, "you got custard?"

"Uh huh." She piled the hot dogs onto a plate and put a bowl of custard on the tray next to it. "He your kid brother?"

Zell smiled and took the tray. "Can I have a glass of orange juice and a milk with that?"

She put the glasses down and he headed to a table with Seifer tailing along after him. He sat down near the window and sat Seifer on the chair next to him. "Tuck in, Seif."

Little hands reached out and grabbed the bowl, dragging it close enough to see. Zell stuffed an entire hot dog in his mouth and nearly choked, only just managing to swallow it.

"Zell! Wanna swallow my hot dog like that?!"

Zell coloured and glared at Tannin. "Get lost."

The boy came over and sat down. He was Zell's age, but a class behind, and had graduated with Seifer, under Zell's command. "Cute kid."

Seifer glared up at Tannin and stuck out his tongue in a completely Seifer manner. Zell smirked and handed him a spoon. "Eat with that, not your fingers."

Seifer took the spoon and dug it into the custard, giggling at the glooping noise it made. "Ze!"

"Yeah?"

"Schloop!" Seifer giggled and stuck the spoon in his mouth with some difficulty, still grinning.

"What do you want, Tannin?"

"Nothing, just thought I'd come over and talk." He shifted a bit closer to Zell. "Look, I'm sorry about the teasing. But that was pretty amazing, being able to swallow a whole hot dog. Can you blame a guy for thinking other things?"

Zell sighed and plucked Seifer's hand from the custard bowl, putting the spoon back in his grasp. "Fine, you apologised. I'm sorry, but he needs my attention, ya know?"

Tannin nodded and stood up. "Well, later, yeah?"

"Sure. Later." Zell watched him go and turned back to Seifer. "Do you think he has the hots for me, Seif?"

Seifer shrugged and dug in with his fingers.

"I don't like him. He freaks me out. He stares at my butt all the time."

The toddler stared at him with solemn green eyes and shoved a handful of custard in his mouth.

Zell laughed quietly. "I like you like this. You listen and you don't poke fun at me and you are just as cute as you are fully grown." He paused. "But less sexy. Not sexy at all."

Seifer stood up and dug out a handful of custard. Zell grinned and looked at him. "What?"

Seifer shoved the handful of custard over Zell's lower face and laughed.

0

Zell managed to grab the rest of his meal, feed a bit more into Seifer and get the tray back before Seifer managed to make too much more mess.

He carried the giggling boy back to his own quarters, trying to ignore the squeals from the girls and snickers around him and the sticky feeling of custard in his hair and down his shirt.

Still, he was better off than Seifer, who thought that tipping the bowl over his head to cool down was funny.

He dumped the child in the bathroom and pulled off his own shirt as he flicked on the taps to start a shower.

He paused and reconsidered.

"Ze! Yuck. Seffa yuck."

"Yes you are, you little brat." He turned around and eyed off his charge. "Okay, I'm hosing you off, then you can have a bath."

He started to bath running, he hadn't used it before now, and pulled off Seifer's t-shirt, wincing at the scars that still covered the child. "Hyne... you'd think that fate would at least rid you of them for a while."

"Ze sad?"

He looked up and smiled. "Nah, I'm cool." He tugged off the sneakers and shorts and little boxers that were way too cute. "You better be housebroken, Seif."

Green eyes blinked at him.

"Never mind." He put him down on the floor and considered how to do this. Was it proper to be naked with your crush/rival/constant source of pain and wet dreams if he was a little kid?

Seifer was looking between his legs at something in the other room. Zell snickered and decided.

He pulled off his stained clothes and threw them in the wash, grabbing up two armfuls of squealing kid. "C'mon, shower time."

He tested the water wasn't too hot and stepped in, putting Seifer down at the last moment. He didn't want to deal with wet squirming child, he might drop him.

"Owies!"

Seifer jumped out of the water stream and hid behind Zell's legs.

"What is it, Seif? Too hot?" He turned to look at Seifer. "Too cold?"

"Owie." He looked up at Zell, eyes going watery. "Hard."

He blinked and held a hand under the stream. The water did hit awfully hard, he usually had it like this to ease out sore muscles.

He reached up and adjusted the head until the stream was soft and weak. "Better?"

"No owies." Seifer moved back into the water, giggling and throwing his arms around. "Splash!"

Zell grinned and quickly pulled the head down to spray off the worst of the custard. That done, he turned the spray on Seifer, who squealed and hid his face whilst the water ran over him.

Zell turned off the water and picked up Seifer, holding him in two arms. "You are the cutest kid, Seif, hey, what's this?"

He turned the boy to look at his inner thigh, where a small tattoo still sat. It was a strange archaic looking rune. "Where'd you get this, Seif?"

The boy giggled and kicked his legs, making Zell nearly drop him.

"Hey, slow down there." Zell kicked off the water to the bath. It was waist deep, about as deep as he wanted to let Seifer into.

He stepped in, child and all, and sat down, settling Seifer in the water. It took him a few moments to realise he was in a bath, then he giggled and splashed his hands on the water. "Splash!"

Zell grinned and grabbed some shampoo, dragging the blonde back over to him. "Okay, close your eyes and head back."

Surprisingly, Seifer did what he said.

"Wow, I figured you'd always sucked at taking orders." Zell lathered the shampoo into Seifer's hair, massaging the tiny skull in his hands. "You are so small like this."

Seifer giggled and wriggled a bit more.

"Hold still, munchkin." He clamped his feet around the boy's waist, to hold him there.

He finally got the last of the custard out and rinsed his hands. "Deep breath."

He carefully slid Seifer under, rinsed his hair and pulled him back up as fast as he could. "All done."

Seifer nodded and grabbed a sponge, making quacking noises with it. Zell started to laugh. "That's not a duck, Seifie."

"Quack. Quack."

Zell shrugged and lathered his own hair, washing as quickly as he could with a possibly a little over one year old squirming in the tub as well.

He washed Seifer clean and picked him up, putting him on the floor. "Stay."

He got out and pulled the plug, turning back to Seifer.

Who was gone.

"Seifie?"

He heard a giggle, a crash and "oops" before he got into the main room.

Seifer sat by the coffee table, a vase broken on the ground, the glass cracked on the table and dirt from the pot plant over his head.

Zell stared and felt his anger rising.

"Oopsies." The blonde turned to Zell with big eyes. "Seffa oops."

Zell sighed at the big watery gaze. Seifer did seem genuinely sorry.

"Ze mad?"

"No." He picked up the boy again. "Someone needs another bath."

"Yay! Barf!"

Zell tucked him under one arm and marched back to the bathroom.

0

Another bath later, Zell had both of them dry and had Seifer back in his boxers since the rest of his clothes were a write off.

Seifer seemed to be tired for now, and was currently curled up on Zell's couch yawning. Zell was making himself a real breakfast.

A small hand tugged on his shorts. He looked down to the obviously tired boy. "Yes?"

"Midi."

That made no sense. "Midi?"

"Seffa want Midi."

Midi? What the hell was Midi? "Seifie, you gotta tell me what Midi is."

Seifer wrapped his arms around himself and made a childishly exaggerated hugging motion. "Midi."

Oh Hyne. The stuffed Chocobo that they had had back in the orphanage. "Midi's not here, Seifie."

"Oh."

That small sad sigh was more heart wrenching that any crying or pouting that Seifer could have done. Zell sighed and picked up the boy, smiling when little arms wound around his neck. "I'm sorry, Seifie. We can get you a toy this afternoon, yeah?"

"No. Midi."

Oh boy.

"Sure, we'll find Midi." Like that was anywhere to be found. He'd probably fallen apart by now, even if they managed to find him. He cuddled the boy close. "How about you sleep for now? You sleepy?"

"Uh uh." Seifer yawned and laid his head on Zell's shoulder.

"Course not." Zell grinned and moved out to his bedroom, laying Seifer down. Small lips smacked together and he rolled over in his sleep.

"Have a nice nap, Seifie."

0

The peace lasted about an hour before Seifer was awake and bouncing again. Zell had gone down, collected some clean clothes and a couple of bottles that were already made up and was settling in for his own long over due breakfast when he heard the thundering of little feet.

"You sleep all right, Seifie?"

"Ze, up!"

He looked over the back of the couch to where the boy was clambering up the dining room chair and onto the bare table. "Seifie, get down."

"Up, Ze, up!"

"Yes, you're up, and now you're going to get down." Zell swooped in and grabbed the boy, swinging him around in his arms. Seifer giggled and yelled happily, flapping his arms. "Fly! Seffa fly!"

The teen put Seifer down and took him over to the couch, shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth. "Wanna go out into town?"

"Town!" Seifer agreed happily.

"Okay, clothes on."

"No!" Seifer grinned and ran off under the table. "No!"

"Seifie, you can't go out in your underwear, adorable as you are." He knelt down and tried to pull the boy out. "Come on, Seifie."

"Ze! No!" Seifer giggled and squirmed his way further under the table.

Zell sat back and eyed off Seifer. "Well, we can't go out then. And Seifer can't have ice cream."

"No?" Seifer seemed torn, but he crawled closer. "I'cream?"

"If you're a good boy, and do what Zell says." Zell raised an eyebrow. "You going to be a good boy?"

"Uh huh." Seifer came over and snuggled into Zell's arms. "Good boy."

Zell got him dressed and into his shoes again, before he got his own jacket on. "Seifer, you got to promise not to let go of my hand, okay? I don't want to put you in a harness."

"Hand!" Seifer jumped up and grabbed Zell's hand, his little fingers curling around Zell's index finger. "I'cream?"

"Okay, come on, Seifie."

0

They wandered through Balamb, pausing in shops, rummaging through jumble sales and, eventually, stopping to get ice cream. Seifer got a bowl instead of a cone; Zell could see what would happen with that; and they went down to the docks to eat and watch the ships.

A Garden ship pulled into docks. Zell watched as Selphie, Irvine and Quistis stepped off, all looking refreshed and chatty.

"Hey, Zell!" Selphie came running over, chain of her nunchaku jingling. "What an adorable little boy."

Seifer looked up at her and wrinkled his nose, glancing at Zell uncertainly.

"Selph, um,"

"I thought you were an only child?"

"Look closer, Selphie." He took Seifer's hand and pointed to the scar on his face. "Look a lot closer."

Her eyes went wide. "Seifer?"

"The one and only. In miniature." Zell picked the boy up and put him in his lap. "He got belted by a spell yesterday and here he is now."

"Hyne... he's so cute!" She giggled and sat down, beaming at the boy. "You are so adorable, Seifer."

Seifer smiled shyly and peeked through his hands at her.

"Can I hold him, Zell? Please?"

Zell nodded, almost reluctant to hand Seifer over. Selphie picked up the child, settling him on one hip. "Hey, cutie."

Seifer smiled and touched her hair, making it straight before letting go to watch it curl up. He laughed and did it again.

"Zell, I hope you plan on taking that kid back," Irvine drawled as he sauntered over.

"No worries, I kinda like him better like this." He watched Selphie poke Seifer's nose and the boy looked confused and started to gaze around. "How was the mission?"

"Fine, fine." Irvine eyed off the toddler and raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me I'm seeing things. This kid looks an awful lot like our own resident asshole."

"Yeah, there's a reason for that and Seifer isn't suddenly a dad. We took on a sorceress yesterday and she blasted him one."

"Wacky." Irvine leant in and grinned at Seifer, who smiled back. "I like him."

"Yeah, he's pretty damn cute like this."

"Ze!" Seifer started to kick, his face going tense. "Ze!"

"I'm still here, Seifie."

"Seifie?" Irvine smirked.

"I can't call him Seifer, can I?"

"Ze! Back now!"

Zell stood up and took back his ward from Selphie. "It's okay, Seifie, I've got you."

Seifer snuggled back into Zell's arms, his eyes closing. Zell smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Aww, how cute. You gonna do that when he grows up again?"

"Shut up, Irvine. We don't even know if it is going to wear off." He rocked the toddler softly. "Besides, he had a rotten childhood. What's wrong with giving him a bit of affection this time?"

"He's always bullied and teased you mercilessly, making your life a living hell?" Irvine jutted one hip, hat tipped back. "He tried to kill us all and wipe out the world?"

"No, Seifer tried that." Zell snapped back. "This is a child, Irvine, what would you have me do? Lock him in the cells and tell him he's a bad boy for something he can't remember, let alone comprehend? He's a kid."

"Zell's right, Irvie. Seifer is sorry, and Seifie here," she looked at the boy, "is just adorable. He's only a widdle kiddie."

"Selph, don't do that. You'll teach him bad habits. Irvine, lay off. He likes me, I'm just taking him for the day to give the doc a break."

"He likes you?" Irvine seemed genuinely surprised. "I woulda thought he'd hate you."

"Maybe he remembers somewhere in that little head that I never actually fought him, I dunno. Maybe he just remembers me being there when he was a kid before. By the way, do either of you remember Midi? The toy Chocobo we had?"

Selphie nodded. "Yeah, I remember him."

"Do you know what happened to him?"

Irvine butted in before Selphie. "He was there when I was adopted, which was when only Squall and Seifer were left. Maybe Matron would know."

"Hey, I didn't think of that." Zell grinned. "Thanks."

"You want a lift back to Garden with us?"

"Yes, thanks." He peered at Seifer, who yawned and snuggled closer. "I think he's had enough for today."

They piled into the car, Zell in the back with Seifer, and drove back home.

0

Zell carried Seifer back down to the infirmary, still asleep. "Doctor? I've brought Seifer back."

Doctor Kadowaki looked up and shivered. "Fine, put him down on the bed, I'll keep an eye on him. Thank you, Zell."

Zell grinned and lay Seifer down, patting the dark blonde hair. "I'll come by tomorrow, okay?"

The boy mumbled in his sleep and clutched onto Zell's hand, holding it to his chest. The teenager smiled and slipped his glove off, leaving it in the boy's grip. "I'll pick that up tomorrow as well."

He nodded and slipped out to go and get dinner.

0

It was at one in the morning that he got paged down to the infirmary. He hurried down, hoping that Seifer was all right.

Once again, he could hear the screaming well before he got there. He jogged down and went in.

Doctor Kadowaki had Seifer in her arms, restlessly bouncing him. The boy was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, obviously designed for sleeping in, and he was hoarsely crying on her shoulder.

She turned around and relief flooded her face. "Zell, he's been screaming for you. He won't stop crying."

At the mention of Zell's name the cries stopped and Seifer looked up, his face wet and red. "Ze?"

Zell held out his arms. "C'mere, Seifie."

He cuddled the boy close, wiping away the tears. "It's okay, little one, it's okay. Zell's here, I'm here now."

"Ze? Bad seep."

Bad sleep? A nightmare? "Did you see bad things when you were asleep?"

The boy nodded and hiccuped. "Make go, Ze."

"Shh." He looked over at the poor, long suffering doctor. "I guess he's with me tonight, eh?"

"Please. You're the only person he trusts." She wandered about, piling up some clothes and bottles and dumping them in a bag. "These are premixed, I'll pack the milk powder as well. He's toilet trained, so don't worry about that, seems he's a fast learner or he's remembered something of his adult years." She pulled out a glove. "This I believe is yours. I'll pack it in here as well."

"Thanks." He shifted his grip on Seifer to take the bag on one shoulder, securely wrapping his arms back around the child. "He's going to live with me, isn't he?"

"Oh yes. I am not going through another night of him screaming for you." Doctor Kadowaki sighed and pushed back her messy hair. "Good night, Zell. Good night, Seifer."

Zell slowly walked back, trying not to jostle Seifer too much. The boy quiet but obviously awake, occasionally murmuring under his breath or tightening his grip on Zell's shirt.

They got inside again and Zell dropped the bag by the door, resolving to see to it tomorrow. He wandered back to his bed and lay down, Seifer still in his arms.

"Dark."

"You want a light on?"

"Yes."

Zell flicked on the small bedside night light. It was there to let him find the way around his room at night without blinding himself by turning on a larger light.

It seemed to calm Seifer down. The boy crawled onto Zell's chest, snuggling into the warmth.

"Nothing's going to hurt you, Seifie, I'll look after you, okay? Keep the nasties away."

"Ze Seffa seed. All Seffa."

Zell smiled and kissed the top of the boy's head. "Sure thing, Seifer. Your SeeD. Your guard."

Seifer dozed off, but Zell stayed awake for several hours, just watching his little angel sleep.

0

It was six when Seifer decided it was time to get up. Zell got woken up when a small body bounced on his chest and a loud voice bellowed, "Up Ze! Hungy!"

He sat, reflexes letting him grab Seifer before he tumbled. "I'm up, Seifer. You want breakfast?"

"Uh huh."

"You gonna get dressed first? Then we can go to the cafeteria."

"Okay!"

Zell watched as Seifer slid down onto the floor and ran over to his bag. The kid really was too cute when he ran around like that. "Wait up, Seifie, let me change you."

Seifer stopped and looked back at Zell, eyes large. "Ze, tummy owie."

The teen frowned and got up, picking up Seifer and tucking him on one hip. "Where?"

"Grawh." Seifer giggled and Zell heard his stomach rumble. "Owie."

"You hungry, huh? How about I set a bottle going and get you dressed." He rummaged in the bag and pulled out a bottle, taking it out to the kitchenette and setting it heating up. "You can have that in a moment."

"Kay." Seifer hugged Zell and bounced in his arms.

Zell chatted aimlessly to Seifer, occasionally brushing kisses over his hair while he waited for the bottle to heat. Finally, he deemed it ready and sat down with Seifer on his lap, giving him the bottle. "There, drink that."

Seifer happily grabbed the bottle and started sucking on it, eyes half closed with concentration.

The door chimed.

"Come in!"

The door opened and Quistis came in with Selphie. Zell smiled before the flash caught him off guard.

Seifer turned to look at the bright light, still firmly clutching the bottle.

"Guys! What did you do that for?"

"Because Seifer is too cute and you playing mother is adorable," Selphie giggled.

"I think you might like to look back on this someday and remember your little boy, whenever Seifer is being a jerk to you," Quistis added quietly. She pulled out a cam corder and waved it. "Well?"

Zell grinned a bit sheepishly. "Well, he is awfully cute."

Quistis started filming.

0

The four of them went out that day, walking in the park near Balamb Garden. Quistis was discreet, Zell often forgot she was there and filming them as they played.

At lunch time, they pulled out a picnic basket and ate on a checkered blanket, watching butterflies and dragonflies dance near them.

Zell was amazed at how gentle little Seifie was with the insects. He giggled as butterflies landed on his fingers, aided there by a little honey on the boy's hands.

After lunch, Seifer fell asleep on Zell's lap, fingers twitching in his sleep.

"What do you think he dreams of?"

Zell looked up at the camera. "I dunno. He seems to have a lot of nightmares, but he doesn't talk about them. He woke me up a few times kicking in his sleep. He calms down when he knows someone's patting him." Zell smiled and looked down. "Maybe he dreams of when he was an adult."

Seifer whimpered on cue and rolled onto his belly, burying his face in Zell's stomach. Zell laughed and stroked his hair until the boy stilled again. "He's so precious like this. I wonder... would he have been like this if he hadn't been orphaned? I mean, is it because he doesn't remember whatever he saw that he's so different now, or is it because there's no other children?"

"I think this is what he's like," Selphie said quietly. "I think, deep down, Seifer isn't a bad person, just a resentful one. Maybe hurt."

Quistis turned off the camera and they sat watching the child until he woke up and looked at them blearily. He twisted and looked up at Zell, chubby fingers reaching up to push at Zell's mouth. "Ze, no sad. Peez?"

Zell smiled slightly at Seifer's earnest gaze and hopeful smile, before he started laughing.

Seifer tackled him and they lay on the grass laughing while Quistis and Selphie filmed.

0

It was late in the day that Zell, Selphie and Quistis walked back to Garden. Zell had Seifer in his arms, wide awake again but strangely quiet.

They slowed as they approached, surprised to see the mammoth shape of the Ragnarok parked outside the grounds. They filed in and up to the main office to see what had happened.

Squall ushered them in. Laguna sat by the door, glasses perched on his head, a tall elegant figure loomed by the window, black hair swept about her shoulders.

Seifer dropped from Zell's arms and ran over with a wide smile. "Matron!"

She turned around and scooped the boy into her arms, running her black nails through his short hair. "Hello, my little knight."

0

Even as Matron cuddled Seifie close, petting him softly, Zell was both happy and sad. He was glad that she was here, she had raised Seifer once, she could do it again and yet...

Well, he had kind of hoped Seifer would stay with him.

Laguna stood up and greeted them all, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, blushing when Selphie hugged him, bouncing up and down excitedly.

Matron walked forwards, kissing each of their cheeks, still holding Seifer in her arms. The boy was cuddled against her breasts, head nestled into her neck. She looked at Zell, and he knew she was reading his mind through his eyes when she smiled softly and sadly.

He remembered the doctor's words. 'He's going to need a mother for now.' And no matter what way you looked at it, Zell was no mother.

"Zell, we should talk outside." She moved to the door, opening it with her free hand. "We can go for a walk."

Zell followed her out obediently. Selphie and Quistis exchanged a glance before slipping out as well to follow, cam corder in hand.

0

Matron walked down to the front gate, sitting on the grass with Seifer in her lap before turning to Zell. "Sit down, child."

He sat, feeling like he was four again. She smiled and stroked his cheek, fingers tracing the tattoo. "My little Chocobo, I am sorry about this."

He blushed and ducked his head. "Sorry for what, Matron?"

"For taking him away." She looked at Seifer, who had crawled off and was playing with some plants. "But Garden is no place for a child, not even if he would be well loved."

Zell looked away. Matron had always been able to read exactly what went through his mind, even when he was little. "I know. But I want to keep him here. This is his home."

"This is where he was trained. He has no home, Zell. He has no family, and fewer friends. You and Squall are all he has, and I hate to take him from you, but this is a military base. This is no home for an infant." She held out her arms, and Zell snuggled into them, trying not to cry. She petted him as she had Seifer, watching both her boys.

Seifer looked up and saw the tears on Zell's cheeks. He ran over and climbed into Zell's lap, wiping them away. "Ze, no sad, no cry. Seffa here. Ze?"

Zell started to cry harder and just held onto the distressed little boy as Matron held them both.

0

Zell and Matron were in his room, packing up Seifer's new things. Seifer himself seemed confused about what was going on, and was staring between the adults.

"He has a lot of nightmares, and he likes to be held at night."

"I know, Zell," she laughed quietly.

"And don't let him have custard, he goes silly with it. He likes late night television, and," he turned around and blushed, "you probably know all this stuff from last time. I'm sorry."

"Zell, it's touching that you care so much, but I think we can manage." She looked down at Seifer, who held up his arms. "Up?"

She picked him up and settled him on one hip.

"Matron, do you remember Midi?"

She nodded slowly.

"Seifie keeps asking for him. Do you know what happened to him?"

"He was with us until Squall and Seifer came to Garden, then... he went missing when they left." She smiled slightly. "Cid always suspected that one of them had taken him."

Squall or Seifer holding onto Midi? It didn't seem that likely but still... "I can go ask Squall. Maybe he'd know."

"All right. We will wait here for you."

Zell headed out and up to the office.

0

It took Squall a few moments to open his office door, peering out and glaring at Zell. "What?"

"Er, I had a question. About Midi."

"Midi? The Chocobo toy?"

"Squall? Who is that?"

Zell looked past Zell, trying to see the owner of the voice. "Is Laguna in there?"

"Yes. We are trying to... bond." He spat out the last word.

"Oh. Sorry. I just, before Matron left with Seifer, you know?"

"Whatever. I haven't seen him since we left Centra."

"Um, sorry then." He shifted on his feet. "I'll, go."

Squall stared at him until he turned around, then closed the door again.

0

It was a whim. Zell used his clearance to open Seifer's door, stepping into the room he had never even seen.

Everything was spartan. There were cupboards, they probably had things hidden in them, but the room itself felt empty.

Zell had little doubt Seifer's ego filled the rest of the space.

He stepped over to a chest at the foot of the bed. There were some broken metal shards on it, Zell realised it was the shattered blade of Seifer's beloved Hyperion.

He moved each piece carefully, arranging them in the exact same order on the counter before he turned to the chest.

It was locked.

He frowned and glanced about, wondering where the key might be. He checked the pot plant, the drawers and cupboards and the shelves.

He glanced around to spy a photo of Matron, an old one. On impulse he took it down and checked behind it.

The key fell into his hand.

Shaking slightly, feeling immensely guilty, he opened the chest up.

It was not that full, but everything inside was wrapped up in cloth, neatly packed and stored for safe keeping. Zell felt each one, a photo frame, a sheathed knife, what felt to be a length of hair and a jewelry box, each one was wrapped and hidden from the rest of the world.

He didn't look at any of them, left them where they were until he touched a cloth bundle that yielded under his fingers. He pulled it out, unwrapping the small toy.

Midi.

He brushed his fingers over the fluffy crest, surprised at how well preserved the toy was. He realised that it had been restored to a degree, given new blue glass eyes and the fur freshened up.

He closed the chest, laying the metal back on the top and covering it with the unwound cloth. He tucked the key away again and left, Midi tucked under one arm.

0

Matron looked up as Zell came back in, hands behind his back. He knelt down to look at the boy on her lap. "Okay, left or right, Seifie?"

Seifer blinked and pointed at Zell's right side.

A moment later the hand came out with a bright yellow toy clutched in it. Seifer squealed and grabbed the Chocobo, hugging it close to his chest. "Midi!"

Matron smile. "Where did you find him, Zell?"

"In Seifer's room. I got this mad idea, since Squall didn't have him, maybe Seifer... well, deep down he's a softy it seems, so I figured he might have kept him."

"Ze find Midi." Seifer held his arms up to Zell. The teen picked him up, burying his face in the little boy's hair.

"I don't him to go, Matron. I want to keep him."

"I know, Zell. But you are SeeD. You do not have time for a baby. I, on the other hand, have time for everything." She stood up. "We must go soon."

"Go?" Seifer perked his head up. "Out?"

"Yes, darling, we're going out. We're going to your new home."

"Ze?" He looked up at Zell and beamed. Zell forced a smile and patted Seifer.

"Come children."

They headed outside, Matron carrying Seifer's bag, Zell carrying the child himself.

0

They stood outside of the Ragnarok. Laguna and Squall seemed to be less defensive, Laguna even managed to give his son a hug before Squall pulled away, faintly coloured.

Zell watched Matron stow away Seifer's bag and looked down. "Well, I guess this is it. I'm going to miss him, ya know?"

"I know, Zell. I felt the same each time one of you was adopted. It never gets easier."

Zell looked up to her eyes, surprised by the admission. "I never thought of that. I guess you know how it feels even more, huh? You never knew if you would see us again."

"No." She looked away and sighed softly. "You had best say your goodbyes."

Zell put Seifer on the ground and looked at him. "You gotta behave for Matron, yeah?"

"Ze?" A small hand reached out to grab his fingers. "Why?"

"Because she's going to be your mother. You're going to live with her."

"Ze come?"

"I can't, Seifie. I live here. I work here. You have to go and be safe with Matron."

The bottom lip started trembling. "Ze... no... Seffa want Ze."

"I'm sorry, Seifie." He lent over to kiss the little blonde's cheek and nose lightly, patting his hair. "You be good. I have to go."

Zell stood up and turned away, not wanting Seifer to see his own tears. He heard a choked sob. "Ze, no! Seffa be good boy! Stay, Ze! Stay!"

He heard Matron gather Seifer up, and he forced himself not to look back, because if he did, he might not be able to keep going. He knew it was best for the boy, Garden was no life for a child.

"Ze! Ze! No! Stay!" Seifer started to scream and cry.

Zell stepped off the gangplank, surprised when Squall took his hand and squeezed it, looking up to the two of them.

Zell looked up, and it was only Squall's firm grip that kept him in place as the gangplank closed up. He forced himself to wave goodbye to the crying child, eyes glancing to Matron, who cried along with them.

The ship closed and took off, and Zell collapsed sobbing on Squall's shoulder.

0

Zell didn't eat that night. He didn't sleep either, just sat on his couch and tried not to think about why he was so distressed.

He had collapsed at about five in the morning, so when he was woken up at eight he was not overly happy about it. He stormed to the door and threw it open, glaring at Squall. "What!?"

"Matron's on the link up from Esthar. She would like to speak to you."

Zell pushed past Squall, sprinting to the console. Matron smiled, she looked tired. "Zell, good morning."

"Hi. Is Seifer okay, has something happened?"

"Seifer is physically fine." She sighed. "He will not settle. He has not stopped screaming since we took off. I have never seen anything like it, most children will calm after a few hours. I would like you to come to Esthar. I am hiring SeeD to act as bodyguards, should anyone use this time of vulnerability to attempt to harm Seifer Almasy."

Zell's heart broke and his spirits lifted in the same moment. "When will the Ragnarok be here?"

"Three hours." She looked past him to Squall. "Your father would like to see you here as well. Cid is quite capable of running the place for a few weeks. Perhaps you would also bring Selphie or Quistis?"

Squall nodded turned away. Zell beamed. "Are you bringing Seifie here?"

"No, he's in no state to travel. He's asleep now, the travel will just distress him more. I will attempt to keep him asleep until you arrive."

"Okay. Bye Matron."

"Goodbye, darling."

Zell ran down to his room and started packing.

0

The flight was a long one. Zell had never been so restless during travel as he felt during that three hour flight.

They landed at the presidential palace, guards escorting them to their rooms. Zell insisted on going straight to see Matron and Seifer, his luggage taken elsewhere while he himself hurried off down to Matron's rooms.

He knocked, unsurprised when she answered the door and smiled weakly. "Please, come in. He'll be waking up soon. I was surprised at his spell resistance, I have never met a child so resilient against sleep spells."

Zell wasn't sure whether to be horrified or amused at the lengths Matron had gone to to keep Seifer asleep. He could well understand her choice if nothing else.

He stepped in, looking down to the couch where Seifer lay. He was asleep, but restless, and clearly near waking up again. His face was red, his cheeks tear streaked and his lips had the dried and sticky look of a long time spent crying.

With a relieved smile, Zell picked up the boy, rocking him softly. He smiled as the Chocobo nearly tumbled from the small hands, he moved Midi to sit on Seifer's stomach. "Seifie."

Seifer grimaced in his sleep and his limbs twitched. Zell stroked his hair and kissed his face softly, tickling one ear with his breath. "Seifie... wake up."

Seifer yawned and cracked open an eye. Instantly, he was awake, bouncing upright, arms thrown around Zell's neck. "Ze! Ze back! Seffa good boy, Ze back!"

Zell laughed and leant back, letting Seifer crawl up his chest and run sticky hands over his face. They were both laughing, and he could hear Matron laughing as well as the two boys, one little more than a baby, one nearly a grown man, rolled about laughing with each other.

0

The rest of the day passed easily. Seifer and Zell played in Matron's room, both of them falling asleep in the afternoon for a short nap. Zell had never been so thankful to see Seifer, and the screaming child he had heard about was nowhere to be seen now.

Dinner came and went, and Matron deemed it time that little boys be going to sleep for the night. The crib and the rest of the gear had been moved to Zell's suite, ostensibly so that Zell could protect the boy in his sleep.

Zell said his good nights and took Seifer down to his new suite. There was total silence from Squall's room as he passed, he took that to mean that the brunette was spending some time with his father.

He shut the door behind him and walked out to the bedroom, glancing around the room. It was large, all his belongings had been packed away and a smaller chest and bed sat to the side.

"Come on, bed time for you."

He changed Seifer into his pajamas, though it wasn't easy with the boy wriggling so much. Finally, he got his teeth cleaned, face washed, into pajamas and laid him back on the bed.

He started to cry.

"Seifie?" Zell picked him up, rocking him slightly. The cries immediately silenced.

"Seifie, it's bed time."

"No. Stay, Ze. No go."

Zell caught on. "I'm going to be in the next room, Seifie. I'll be close by."

"No! Ze no go, Seffa be good!"

The child didn't understand that Zell wouldn't be leaving him again. He was too scared of being left alone.

Zell grabbed the blanket and carried both out into the living room. "You have to go to sleep, though."

"Yes, Ze."

"Good boy." Zell flicked on the television and settled Seifie on his lap, covering him with the blanket. Within minutes, Seifer's breath was falling in long, shallow breaths, his tiny hands knotted in Zell's shorts.

Zell put him to bed and sat back down with the TV.

At about three in the morning, Zell was woken up by a noise.

Sitting bolt upright in bed, he looked about for any sign of what he had vaguely heard.

Seifer was sitting in the corner of his bed, hands clasped over his face, sobbing. Zell quietly got up and moved over to the boy's bed, sitting down, frowning at the flinch his presence caused. "Seifie?"

Seifer shivered and glanced between his fingers to Zell. The blonde held out his arms, bracing himself against the anticipated rush into his embrace.

The boy looked at him and slowly shifted over until he leant into his guardian's arms. Zell hugged him lightly and picked him up, carrying him over to the other bed. "Seifie? What's wrong?"

"Shh." He looked around and buried his face in Zell's chest. "Shh."

Zell petted the short hair and kissed the top of his head, rocking Seifer back and forth.

Zell had expected him to fall asleep nearly instantly, or maybe a few minutes later. Not the two and half hours it took for Seifer to calm down again and curl up to sleep.

But he didn't move him back to his own bed. They stayed on Zell's bed together.

0

They settled into a comfortable routine. Days were spent exploring the palace and city, often with Matron along. Night time was usually fine, Seifer curled up next to Zell, but still, every three nights, the nightmares came back.

Zell got used to not sleeping on that night, and he slowly learnt to put aside his frustration that Seifer couldn't, or wouldn't, tell him what happened in them.

Two long months passed. Zell couldn't have been happier.

They were playing in the garden of the palace with Squall and Laguna, well, Squall was watching Zell and Laguna play with Seifer, when it happened.

Matron's eyes half closed, her hand reaching to her head. Squall was with her in a moment, Laguna and Zell close after.

"Edea?"

She shook her head, and a scream cut through the gardens. Zell turned, saw Seifer tremble and collapse, body convulsing.

He was cradling the boy seconds later, tears streaming down his face. "Seifie? Seifie?"

There was a crack, Seifer screamed again, and the weight in Zell's arms increased.

A pair of green eyes blinked at him from the youthful face of a five year old.

Zell smiled and stared blankly.

to be continued...


	3. Age Five

"Zell?"

Zell looked down at Seifer, who was looking very confused and vulnerable. Zell whipped off his jacket and wrapped it around the child. "It's okay, Seifie."

"Dun call me Seifie. 'M Seifer." The boy's lip stuck out in a defiant pout.

Zell was taken aback. "Sure, Seifer. No more Seifie."

Seifer held up his arms. Zell picked him up, carrying him over to the others. Matron had passed out apparently, Laguna's coat was over her whilst Squall's jacket was balled under her head.

"Is Matron all right?"

"She just fainted." Laguna looked up at them and smiled. "You feeling okay, Seifer?"

"I'm cold. Zell, I'm cold."

Zell rolled his eyes. Seifer always was a pushy child. "We'll go inside and find you some clothes, hey?"

"Okay."

The blonde took the boy inside, casting gazes back at Matron.

Seifer was bouncing on the bed while Zell tried to find something that would pass for clothes until they could go shopping.

"Try these on, Seifer!"

The boy wriggled into a pair of boxers Zell ditched out. They had been in the pile but were too big for him when he had been smaller.

"They fit!"

"Okay." Zell came back out into the lounge room and watched the boy for a moment. "You really feel okay?"

"Yes, Zell." Seifer looked about. "Where's Midi?"

"Midi? Probably on your pillow, Seif."

Seifer scampered into the next room and came out with Midi tightly held in his hand. "Zell? I'm hungry."

"We can call one of the servants. They can get you some clothes as well."

Seifer nodded solemnly and held Midi to his chest, burying his face in its crest. He meandered back to the couch, sitting down and flicking on the television.

Zell ordered some sandwiches, hot dogs and juice and asked them to send the tailors.

The rest of the day was spent spent feeding, measuring and then trying clothes on Seifer. He was very quiet when the servants were around, and would take some minutes to relax after they went.

Zell found himself constantly wanting to pick up the child and cuddle him, but he suspected, from earlier struggling, that Seifer did not want to be cuddled anymore. He was not a toddler, he was a little boy and a rough and tumble one at that.

Finally, it hit six and Zell deemed it bath time. For someone who hadn't been outside most of the day Seifer had managed to get remarkably dirty.

Seifer nodded solemnly and watched the bath being run. Zell watched the water, trying to understand what had changed.

It was hard. His little boy was gone, and he had to become used to this new attitude and size. Would Seifer want to be left alone to bathe, or prefer the company? Would he still want to play? He'd want his own bed again, Zell was glad he'd hung onto it.

He hit off the water and glanced into the lounge room. "Seifer. Bath time."

"I don't wanna." Came the reply.

"Seifer..." he warned. "Bath. Now. I bet Midi doesn't want you smelling."

Seifer came out to Zell, scratching his head. "Zell?"

"Yeah?" He waited for Seifer to continue, watching him silently.

"Nuffin'." Seifer looked down and kicked off his shoes and socks, dumping his t-shirt on top of them. Zell stood up and headed out as Seifer finished undressing.

"Zell?"

"Yes, Seifer?" He looked back. Seifer looked so helpless, standing there with his hands clasped, staring at the bath.

"Will you stay and tell me a story?"

"Sure." Zell grinned and knocked down the toilet lid, sitting down. Seifer scrambled into the bath with a loud splash and looked up expectantly.

"Okay. Once upon a time, there was a little Chicobo...."

The bath passed, Seifer was bundled into pajamas and Zell tucked him into his own bed. He read one more bedtime story, kissed Seifer's forehead and turned out the main light, leaving the night light on.

He got out into the lounge room and collapsed on the couch, too tired to move any further. Looking after a five year old was hard work. When they were little, they did everything you said without question and let you carry them about. Five... at five they questioned and disagreed and demanded.

He rubbed his face and stared at his ceiling.

Morning came. Zell woke up with a sore neck, aching back and stiff limbs.

The couch was not a good bed.

"Zell! I'm hungry. Breakfast."

"Hang on a minute." Zell sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily, looking to the blonde boy standing by him. "Cereal okay?"

"Uh huh." Seifer hugged Midi close, burying his face. "Zell?"

"Yes, Seifer."

"I had a dream last night. Of a lady. With white hair and one eye. Is she my mum?"

Zell blinked. "Fujin? No, she's..." Your friend? He didn't remember her, he wouldn't understand. "She's an old friend of mine. You saw her when you were younger. You still hungry?"

"Yeah. Can I have milk to drink?"

"Sure, Seifer. Sure."

Zell was in the shower, listening to the morning cartoons from the next room. He dunked his head under the stream of water, leaning against the glass with a sigh.

It wasn't easy. Seifer was not a lovable child like this... but he still loved him anyway.

"Zell!"

He jumped and stuck his head out of the shower, glaring at Seifer who stood in the bathroom. "Yes?"

"Someone at the door. It's a big man, and he won't tell me who he is or nuffin'!"

Ward. Zell sniggered and turned off the water, stepping out and grabbing a towel.

"Zell...?"

"Yes, Seifer?"

"Your skin is really smooth." A little hand reached out and stroked his leg above the knee. "It's pretty."

Zell blushed faintly and scooped Seifer up, ignoring the squeal it brought. "C'mon, you munchkin."

"I'm not a munchkin!"

Zell opened the door, Seifer hanging upside from one arm. "Yes, Ward?"

Ward smirked and gave him a piece of paper. Zell flicked it open and read it.

'Zell. Laguna and I are going away. Selphie and Quistis will be coming here. Meet them at the airport at two.'

The lack of signature confirmed that Squall had really sent it. Zell nodded. "Thanks. Is everything okay between those two?"

The large man shrugged and rolled his eyes. Zell sniggered and nodded. "I hear you. Ow. Seifer, that's my arm."

"I'm hungry, Zell!"

"Sorry, I better go feed him before he starts chewing on me, ow! Quit it, munchkin."

Zell said his goodbyes and closed the door, half carrying half dragging Seifer into the kitchen and dumping him in a chair. He put some cereal, not the super sugary stuff, in a bowl and poured milk on it, dumping it in front of the boy. "Here, eat."

He dumped the milk next to Seifer and went out to finish his shower.

They survived the day all right. Quistis and Selphie spent much of the afternoon and evening with them, Quistis still armed with her damn video camera.

Seifer didn't seem to mind. He played with Selphie, talking to her about Midi and Matron, happily unaware that she knew all of it already.

Finally, Zell shooed them off and dumped Seifer in the bath, telling him another story whilst washing the child. Out and dried and into pajamas, Zell tucked Seifer into bed, looked around the suite and decided to hop into bed himself.

It was preferable to collapsing on the couch again.

About three in the morning, Zell found himself awake, anticipation running through him. He glanced to the other bed, saw Seifer's arm flail out, his face twitching, lips mumbling out quiet words.

Zell got up and moved over to the bed, stroking his ward's hair. "Seifie. Wake up, it's just a nightmare. Seifie."

Seifer opened his eyes, rolling to look up at the older boy. Zell smiled and picked him up, cuddling him close. "It's okay, I'm here."

"Zell? The lady came back again." His voice was little more than a whisper.

That was new. The older boy sat down, still cradling the boy on his lap, rocking him softly. "What lady, Seifie?"

"Shh." Small fingers pushed against his lips. "She'll hear you and then she'll come here and then she'll eat me."

Zell bit his lip and nodded sincerely. "All right, I'll be quiet," he whispered back. "Are you going to tell me about the lady?"

"No. If I talk about her, she'll know, and then she'll come anyway. Shh."

Zell sighed and sat against the headboard, holding Seifer securely in his arms. He wanted to tell him it was just a nightmare, except he knew it wasn't. No child had nightmares that regularly, about the same thing. At least, no normal child did.

Still, there was nineteen years of memories cooped up in that little mind.

"She won't come back, Seifie. I'll keep you safe," he said softly. "No one's going to hurt you."

They sat there until the sun came up.

It was late the next day that Zell and Seifer got up. The boy seemed to have recovered from his nightmare and Zell had finally had a decent amount of sleep.

The went out into the town. Seifer was an even bigger handful, but somehow even more adorable now than he had been before. He asked a lot of questions, big green eyes earnest and waiting for answers, and he bounced everywhere, tugging on Zell's hands.

Zell suspected that they were being followed by Quistis and her camera, but he couldn't spot her.

They were walking through the streets, Zell carrying a moomba he had been convinced to buy Seifer, when a loud, shrill voice cut through the air. "Zell!"

"Oh Hyne, not her. Rinoa, hi." He plastered on a smile and turned to face her.

"I heard about what happened to poor Seifer, oh! Is that him?"

Zell looked down to Seifer, who was hiding behind his legs. "Seifer? You remember Rinoa?"

Seifer looked up at the girl, who had taken to wearing 'more appropriate clothing for her new found powers'. He made a small eeping sound and hid behind Zell.

Guess so, Zell thought to himself.

"Seifer? It's me, 'Noa." She crouched down, her gown flowing out around her. "Remember me?"

The boy whimpered and buried his face in Zell's shorts, moving as close to the older boy as he could.

"Seifie?" Zell disentangled him and turned around, kneeling to eye level. "What's wrong, Seif?"

There was a small hiccup and Seifer trembled, eyes wide and tear filled.

"Rinoa, please, you're terrifying him." He picked up Seifer, holding him tight to his chest, face buried against his neck. He could feel moisture on his skin, the little body trembling with sobs of fear. "Rinoa! Go! Please?"

She nodded and backed away. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Please, go."

She turned and left. Zell breathed a sigh of relief, glaring at a few passers by who gave a little too much interest to the two of them.

"She's gone, Seifie. She's gone away, I promise. She's all gone."

Seifer looked up, face red and wet. "I want to go home, Zell. I want to go home. I feel cold."

"Okay, hop down for a moment, I'll take off my jacket and you can have that." Zell set Seifer down and shrugged off the garment, wrapping it around Seifer. "Warmer?"

"Carry me?" He stared up at Zell. "Please? I'm scared."

Zell's heart melted. He bent down and picked up the boy again, cuddling him close. "I'll keep you safe, Seifie. No one will hurt you again."

Seifer lay his head on the broad shoulder and closed his eyes.

The rest of the night was quiet. Quistis came by for a while, without the camera this time, but Seifer wouldn't come out from under the bed while she was around, so eventually she left and Zell came into the bedroom.

"Seifer? What's wrong, munchkin?"

"The scary lady."

"Rinoa? She's not so bad, Seifer. She's just a girl."

"I don't like girls. They're scary."

Zell smiled. "When you get older you'll like them."

"No. Girls are yucky and scary and mean." A dirty blonde head appeared, scowling. "I don't like girls."

"Not even Selphie?"

"Selphie's not a girl. She's my friend." Seifer said loudly.

Zell started laughing. Seifer crawled out and cuddled into his lap. "What?"

"Nothing, Seif. You're just very cute." He kissed the tip of his nose, taken aback when Seifer wiped at his nose.

"Zell? Do you like girls?"

"Sure. Why not?" Zell pulled off the t-shirt and grabbed the pajama top on Seifer's bed. "Arms up."

"Are you going to marry Selphie or Quistis?"

He forced himself not to laugh. "No, they both have boyfriends."

Seifer nodded, seriously. "Zell?"

"Yes, Seifer?" He tugged off shoes and shorts, picking up the pajama pants.

"Are you going to marry Matron?"

Zell barely held back the hysterical laughter. "Where did you get that idea, Seif?"

"Well, she's like my mum, and on the TV they said that mums and dads get married, and you're not my dad, but you look after me, and I don't want you to marry Matron, but the TV said you would."

"Oh, Seifie, the TV isn't always right. Matron has a husband, and they're very happy. So you'll be stuck with me."

"Yay!" Seifer dived into Zell's arms and hugged him. "My Zell!"

"Sure, Seifer." Zell hugged him back and tipped him up to lay him in bed. "But now it's bed time."

"No. The lady..." The watery eyes started again.

"Okay, it's okay, Seifer." Zell toed off his shoes and slipped into the bed. "I'll be here. Go to sleep, munchkin."

"'M not a munchkin."

"I know." He kissed Seifer's cheek. "Go to sleep."

Seifer quickly fell asleep, Zell not so far behind.

The next morning, Zell woke late. He rolled over to hug Seifer, only to find a cool space where the boy had been asleep.

He sat up, looking around, worried. "Seifer?"

The boy appeared in the doorway with a cup on a plate. "I made you coffee!"

"Oh. Thank you, Seifer." He took the cup and drank some, careful to keep his face neutral despite the taste. "That's very nice of you."

"I got you cereal too. 'Cause you told me not to use the toaster on my own." He ran out and skidded back with a bowl of cereal and the milk carton. "See?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you very much, Seifer." He took the bowl and carefully poured some milk into it. "What brought this on?"

Seifer smiled the little secretive smirk and disappeared out the door again.

Zell slowly ate his breakfast, trying to not grimace at the coffee. It was alright, he guessed, but not what he preferred.

He finally got up to take the bowl and cup to the sink. Seifer was sitting in front of the television, mimicking the swordsman.

Zell watched silently. The actions were hesitant and somewhat clumsy, but the precision was beyond any child, as was the grace that shone through. It brought home the hard reality of the situation again.

Seifer was not a child. He was trapped in a child's mind and body, but he was not a child.

He blinked and realised a small warm body was leaning against his legs, hand fisted in the hem of his shorts. He looked down, Seifer stared up, fingers in his mouth, and blinked at him.

"What is it, Seifie?"

"Do you love me, Zell?"

The hesitation was so strange. Zell knelt down and scooped Seifer into his arms, kissing his nose. "Of course I do. Do you remember when you were really little?"

Small shake of the head, though there were hints of memory underneath. Zell didn't push it. "Why, Seifer?"

"I... feel wrong." He frowned and leant against Zell. "My head hurts." He shook his head and blinked again. "Can we get married?"

Zell laughed, hugging Seifer close. "Oh, munchkin, you're too young to get married."

"Not now, silly." Seifer wriggled away and glared at Zell. "When I get older."

The thought sent strange emotions through Zell. Seifer... adult Seifer, loving him. Children weren't discriminatory, Seifer didn't remember Zell like this.

"How about you ask when you get older, huh?"

"But, if you don't know that we're going to get married, you might marry someone else first, and then I can't marry you, and I'll be sad, and you love me, so you'll be sad as well."

Zell stared at the earnest green eyes and bit his lip, trying to stop the tears that irrationally wanted to fall.

He failed and stood there holding Seifer, letting his tears damp the dark blonde hair

Seifer tried to comfort Zell, until he just cried, though he was even less sure why.

The days started to blend again. Zell took to sleeping in his own bed, only letting Seifer crawl in with him when he had a nightmare and always returning him to his own bed when he was asleep again. There was no doubt how much he loved the little boy, but an unexplained melancholy had fallen over the teenager, and even Seifer knew something was wrong.

Days became weeks, and a month passed.

Quistis was sorting through reports for Squall, he was still away with Laguna, when the timid knock came on her door.

She opened it and looked around and down. "Seifer?"

"Quistie..." He stared up at her, tightly clutching the Chocobo to his chest. "Zell's not happy. I did something wrong."

Quistis smiled sadly and ushered him in, closing the door. "Do you want a drink, Seifer? Hot milk?"

"No." He sat down on the couch after he clambered up onto it. "Quistie, what did I do? Zell doesn't like me anymore."

"I'm sure Zell likes you fine, he's just very worried about you." She sat down and took a small hand in hers. "He loves you a lot, Seifer."

"No, he doesn't. He won't let me sleep with him anymore and he always looks sad."

She thought about this, and knew that there was no way to explain what Zell was feeling to a little boy. Zell had spoken to her, she knew how hard he was finding it. He had realised that Seifer would grow up again, and probably remember nothing.

She knew he was in love with Seifer, the old Seifer, and was scared that he was getting to accustomed to the affection. He was trying to soften it for himself.

She hugged Seifer. "He's just worried, Seifer. He's worried for you."

Seifer nodded, sighed and quietly left for his room.

Selphie took Seifer for the rest of the day, so Quistis could talk to Zell. It was hard to be rough on Zell, but he needed it right now.

There was a little boy who needed him, and his own hurt would have to come second to that.

Selphie had the harder job. Seifer remained convinced for the entire day that Zell was going to leave while he was with her and spent the day sulkily hanging onto Midi and refusing to talk.

Finally, at six, Selphie conceded and took Seifer back up to Zell's room. It was a long walk, he was stubbornly walking by himself, despite his obvious exhaustion from the emotional stress of the day.

The brunette opened the door to the suite and looked around. "Zell? Quistie? We're back."

"We're in the kitchen, Selphie."

Seifer took off immediately, Midi dropped to the floor in his haste to see if Zell was still there. He skidded to a halt in the door, staring. "Zell?"

The blonde looked up. His eyes were puffy and red and his face flushed. He smiled and held out his arms. "Come here, Seifie."

Seifer ran over, jumping up into Zell's waiting arms. "Zell! You didn't go, you stayed!"

"Of course I stayed, munchkin." He wrapped his arms around the little boy, and a few more tears fell. "I love you, Seifer. I love you so much, I won't ever leave you."

Quistis glanced at Selphie, and they both knew who it was that Zell was really talking to.

They left.

Zell's mood improved after that day. Seifer didn't know what had changed, maybe Zell didn't either, but things settled back down, and the two could frequently be seen out shopping, laughing as they visited their usual cafe and playing in the parks.

It was a month of good living. Squall and Laguna were still away, though no one was exactly sure where they were.

The pattern at night remained the same. Two nights of Seifer sleeping in his bed, one night of nightmares that he was too afraid to speak of, even in daylight.

Seifer slowly opened up again, until he was much like the exuberant toddler he had been only months earlier. Admittedly, he still shied away from others, but he left no doubt in Zell's mind of how much he loved the older boy.

And Zell was just happy to have any Seifer at all.

The four of them; Zell, Quistis, Selphie and Seifer; were out on one of their regular picnics in the palace grounds under the watchful eye of Matron when it next happened.

It was alike a morbid replay of two months earlier. Seifer trembled, and Matron gasped in pain. Zell dove to the boy as he started to scream in pain, Quistis running to Matron as she passed out.

There was a crack, a flash of rose light and Zell sagged under the dead weight of the nine year old boy as he passed out from the pain.

to be continued...


	4. Age Nine

Zell left Matron to Quistis and Selphie, hurrying inside with Seifer's unconscious form wrapped in his jacket.

He got inside their suite and lay him down on his bed, stroking his hair gently. "Seifer? Seifer? Wake up, please."

Green eyes flickered open and looked at him with confusion. "Zell?"

"Hey, munchkin." He smiled softly and leant back again. "Are you okay?"

Seifer rolled onto his side, curling into a semi-foetal ball on his bed. Zell ran a hand over his side. "Seifer?"

The boy coloured slightly and curled up further, Zell suddenly realised the problem. "Oh, hang on, I'll get you a dressing gown."

He hurried to the wardrobe and pulled out his dressing gown, flinging it over to Seifer and keeping his back turned. "I'm not looking, Seif."

He heard movement, cloth rustling, and then a quiet, "I'm dressed," before he turned back again.

The knee length gown reached the floor, but not dragging. He was suddenly aware that Seifer was a tall boy. "You okay, Seifie?"

"Yeah." He ran a hand over his face hesitantly. Zell frowned as he tried to remember if he had ever seen Seifer when he was about nine, before realising he had left the orphanage too young to remember that.

"Zell?"

"I'm fine. Just thinking." Zell smiled and looked at the boy. "How about we get you some clothing?"

"Yes." Seifer pulled the cloth around him and looked up at his guardian. "Where's Matron?"

"She's with Selphie and Quistis. She isn't well, but she'll be fine."

"Oh." Seifer sat down, that confused look on his face. "Where am I?"

"Esthar. Remember?"

"Kind of." He blinked and looked about again. "Where's Squall?"

"On holiday with his dad."

"He doesn't have a dad. He doesn't have anyone but me 'n' Matron. We don't need anyone else."

Hurt came flooding back. Zell knew that as a young teenager he hadn't featured in Seifer's life, but now it seemed that Seifer was dismissing him from it. "Well, I'll go find Matron then. You can stay with her."

The boy looked confused and clutched his quilts. "But I live here."

"You said you don't need anyone else. I'm someone else."

"No, you're Zell. You're my Zell." He frowned and yawned slightly. "You're different from other people. Like Quistis and Selphie, only... more. More..." he trailed off, staring into space.

He's trying to remember his adult life, Zell thought to himself. Some part of him knows this isn't how it should be.

"Are you tired?"

"Kinda."

"Have a sleep. I'll wake you up in a few hours if you aren't up yet." Zell smiled and sat down by the side of the bed. "You've been through a rough day."

Seifer crawled under the covers and nodded, eyes falling closed again.

"Night, Seifie."

"Not night, Zell."

"I know. Sleep well."

0

Zell managed to get some clothes arranged and left in the bedroom by the time that Seifer woke up. The boy was quieter, more subdued, than he had been, but he had been similar after the last time this had happened.

Zell got him dinner and sat down to eat. Seifer would talk when he felt like it.

"Zell?"

He looked up.

"I... I don't feel right." He looked down. "Not sick, just... not right." He shrugged and went back to his dinner. "Are we going back to Garden soon?"

Zell paused before he remembered. Seifer and Squall had entered Garden at eight, since neither was adopted. "I don't know. Maybe."

"When I grow up, and I'm an adult, I'm going to be the best Gunblader ever. You know why?"

"No. Why?"

"Because then, no one will ever toss me aside again. I'll be better, so they can't just forget me."

Zell's knife clattered on his plate. Seifer looked at him, eyes narrowed. "Zell? Are you okay?"

"I, yeah, I'm fine, just, remembered something. Have to call Quistis, check on Matron." He stood up. "You can do the dishes, I made dinner."

"But, Zell!"

"No buts." Zell smiled shakily. "Just do the dishes and then I'll let you watch television."

"Fine."

Zell went out into the other room, and after five minutes he remembered to call and check on Matron.

0

It was getting harder. Seifer's normally abrasive personality hadn't reared its head yet, but he was always confused, trying to piece things together in his broken memory.

The nightmares were worse than ever. It was killing both of them, night after night of Seifer screaming in his sleep, unable to rest for hours on end because of whatever he saw.

And whatever it was, he was still too scared to say.

A week passed. Zell was losing sleep, Seifer was always tired and the stress was showing. Seifer would get angry at Zell over nothing, Zell would lock himself in the bathroom and cry and Seifer would storm around the suite and hurl things into the walls.

Another week of it and everyone was at their wits' end.

It was two weeks and three days since Seifer had aged to nine. Zell was sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee, when Seifer came in, looking down. The two of them had not been speaking for two days, after Seifer told Zell he was a rotten guardian and he'd sooner be living with Matron than a stupid teenager like Zell.

"Zell?"

"Seifer, if this is about my hygiene, your sleep, my sleep, Garden or how much I suck and you wish you were back at the orphanage, I don't want to hear it." Zell turned to look out the window.

"But, I..."

"No, Seifer, listen to me." He turned back to the scruffy boy. "You've done a lot of yelling over the last few weeks, now I'm going to talk. You hurt me. You really hurt me. I've been looking after you for the last four and half months, even if you can't remember it. I put up with you abusing me through one childhood, I won't go through it again." He pulled Seifer's face up gently. "You wanted me to look after you, and I did. But I will not let you do this to me. I am the adult, you are a child. You have no right to insult anyone like that, least of all me."

Seifer stared at him, and for the first time in ages, Zell saw tears start to form. "I'm sorry, Zell. I didn't mean it."

"You did, but I know you're tired. I am too." He pushed back his chair and looked at Seifer again. "What are you hiding?"

A small package, wrapped amazingly neatly, was pushed at him. "Present to say I'm sorry."

Zell smiled. "You don't have to do that, Seifie."

"I wanted to." He shoved the present into Zell's hands and disappeared out into the main room.

Slowly, Zell unwrapped the soft gift. He wasn't surprised to see Midi in there, glassy eyes staring up at him, beak turned in a small, perpetual smile.

He went out into the main room. Seifer sat on the couch, knees up to his chest. Zell sat down next to him and handed him Midi. "It's a sweet thought, Seifie, but I don't need Midi. I know how much he means to you. Thank you for the gesture."

Seifer took Midi back hesitantly, relaxing further when he realised Zell was sincere.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while.

"Zell, you said talking about things makes it better, right?"

"Sometimes. It can't hurt to talk, can it?" Zell glanced at the boy.

"I dunno. She says she'll do horrible things if I talk, but I think..." he frowned. "I think she might be imaginary."

"Well, if anyone tries to hurt you, I'll pummel them into the ground for you." Zell smiled softly. "Remember, I'm your SeeD."

"Yeah." Seifer smiled and nodded slowly. "This lady comes to me in my dreams. She scares me. She's tall, but she seems smaller in my mind. She has white hair sometimes, other times she's horrifyingly huge with glowing red eyes." He shivered and closed his eyes. "She makes me hurt and she said, if I was bad, she'd hurt the people I love." A few tears ran over his cheeks. "She said she'd make me hurt you."

Zell pulled Seifer into his arms, drawing the boy's head to his chest. "Shh, she's gone, Seifer, she's only in your mind now. Just a bad memory, nothing more than a horrible memory."

Seifer started sobbing, so Zell held him until he cried himself to sleep.

0

Seifer slept for fourteen hours solid, not waking until eight the next morning. Zell had gotten breakfast ready and was waiting at the table, reading the paper, when Seifer came out with sleep rumpled hair but looking refreshed.

"Sleep well, Seifie?"

"Uh-huh." He sat down and poured a mug of coffee, sipping slowly. "I didn't have nightmares, but... I thought of something. You said I made your first childhood miserable. What did you mean?"

Zell sighed and looked away. He hadn't meant to say that to Seifer, he'd just been upset. "Four months ago you were a nineteen year old SeeD. You went into a fight, with me, against a sorceress. You took her down, but she blasted you. You were about a year old for two months, then two months of being five." He scrubbed his face. "We grew up in the same orphanage, that's why you know me. You teased me a lot, I'm not sure why."

"I used to make you cry a lot, didn't I?" Seifer looked to Zell. "I seem to do that a lot now as well."

Zell hugged him again. "You don't mean to. I know that. We just, clash sometimes. You always were good at pushing my buttons."

Seifer smiled thinly and went back to his coffee. "I want to go back to Garden. I feel, unsafe here."

Seifer had been held in Esthar during his trial. Zell felt like slapping himself. "Well, I reckon we could go back. You're old enough to be in Garden again."

"I love you, Zell. You know that, right?"

Zell blushed and ducked his head. "I love you too, munchkin." He coughed and stood up. "You should have a shower, and we'll talk to Matron about going back to Garden."

Seifer bit his lip and nodded. "Yes, Zell."

0

Matron seemed to be happy for Seifer to return back to Balamb, so they packed up their belongings and were on a flight that night.

It was strange to farewell the palace after so long, but Zell was looking forward to visiting his Ma again.

He'd have to take Seifer with him. She'd like Seifer.

Garden was as ever. It never changed, not anymore, not since the war. Zell lead Seifer through the hallways, but he seemed to remember everything quite well.

They walked back to Seifer's room in silence. It was down the hall from Zell's, and he seemed uneasy to go back to it now.

Zell came in, watched as Seifer wandered through the room, brushing his hands over things that held significance as an adult but had now lost their meaning to age.

"Zell? Who was I?"

That brought him up short. "You. But older. What do you mean?"

"Was I nice? Was I mean? Did I study hard, no, I don't think I did." He picked up a photo of himself with Raijin and Fujin.

"This is the lady with white hair. Not the evil woman, the other one."

"She's Fujin, and her boyfriend Raijin. They're your friends. They moved to Fisherman's Horizon."

"Oh." He put the photo aside. "Were we friends?"

"We got on. I would have called you my friend." He would have, if Seifer had let him. "We worked together a bit."

"I see." He put aside his duffel bag. "Zell, could I, you know, have some time alone?"

"Sure. You know where I am." He stepped out. "Sleep well, Seif."

He closed the door behind him.

0

Tannin was leaning on Zell's door when he got back. "Hey, Zell. Welcome back."

"Thanks." He stopped when Tannin made no movement towards leaving. "Can I help you?"

"Look, all of Garden knows what happened with Seifer. I'm sorry about it and all, but wasn't taking off for four months to babysit him a little extreme?"

"I was paid to keep an eye on him by Sorceress Edea. She believed his life may have been in danger." He mussed his fringe. "I'm tired, Tannin, so thought appreciated and all, but I need sleep."

"Sure, sorry, I wasn't thinking." Tannin detached himself from the door and moved away. "Sleep well, Zell."

He watched the other boy leave before going into his own room.

0

Seifer adjusted into Garden life with frightening fluidity. It was almost as though he remembered everything about the lifestyle, despite the fact that he claimed to remember nothing.

Zell believed him. It was probably just instinct by now.

So, classes were hard on the boy, and he didn't fit in at all, but he persevered. Zell spent most of his time with him, Seifer often ended up staying at Zell's rooms anyway, crashed out on the couch.

No child so young should have such a burden. He knew he was hated, even if he didn't know why. He knew his scars were testimony to a life that his age could not have lived through, and that his brilliance was the result of years of trying, flunking and trying again.

Zell cried for him more than once.

It had been a month. Zell was lying in his room, just back from a two day mission to the forests near Balamb. It had been rough, he was still aching.

There was a timid knock on his door. He got up and opened, smiling when he saw a familiar blonde leaning against the wall. "Come on in, Seif."

Seifer looked up. His eye was black, his lip split. Zell sighed and ushered him in quickly. "Been fighting again, Seif?"

"Not fighting. They tried to beat me up. I hit back." Seifer sat down on the couch and hung his head. "I hate it! Just because they're bigger 'n me they think I'm easy picking! I hate them!" He stood up and shook his head. "When I get big again, I'm gonna make them regret ever tangling with Seifer Almasy!"

Zell shook his head and sat Seifer down. "That just makes you as bad as them. Sit and stay."

The boy sighed. "Zell, why does Tannin keep lurking around here?" He pouted. "You said you'd marry me when I was older, he can't be with you."

"You remember that?"

"Yep." He closed his eyes as Zell came back with an ice pack and put it against his eye. "I don't remember much, but I remember that."

"Oh." Zell cast a cure spell over Seifer, watching the lip heal and the bruise fade away. "Don't worry about it, Seifer. He's just a bit weird."

"He was in the showers today. I was in there, I remembered the code to my locker. He didn't see me. He did something really weird."

"Yeah?"

"He was," the boy coloured slightly, "running his hand over himself, and moaning your name, in the shower."

Zell went bright red. "Did you watch this, Seifer?"

"No. I just heard him so I looked and it was weird, so I looked away again and stayed behind the lockers."

"Good boy." Zell kissed his hair and moved back to the kitchen. "You got homework?"

"Yes, Zell." He moved to the table and pulled out his books, pouring over them.

Zell settled back on the couch and thought.

0

Seifer fell asleep at the table, slumped over his books. Zell carried him out to his own bed, smiling when the boy clung to his neck, refusing to let go until Zell prised his fingers open.

He decided to go to bed shortly afterwards. He grabbed his nightclothes and changed in the bathroom, coming back and curling up next to Seifer in the bed.

He was awake for a long time. He couldn't sleep, just watched the familiar profile in the faint moonlight.

Seifer looked older in the dim light. It was easier to forget the last few months when faced with the image, he could almost believe it was the old Seifer asleep next to him.

Except that it wasn't.

He rolled over, his back to the boy, and stared at the curtains. The moon made them glow a pale white.

"Zell? Are you awake?"

"Yes."

It was like a sleep over at a friend's house. He felt Seifer shift in the bed. "Is it wrong for me to want to marry you?"

Zell rolled over to face Seifer, who was staring up at the ceiling. "No, who told you it was?"

"No one, I just..." he shook his head and rolled onto his side, back to Zell. "Nothing. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Hey, I was awake already, you don't need to turn your back to me." Zell scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Seifer. "Where did you get that idea?"

"Biology. Instructor Mants said that a man had to have sex with a woman to have a baby, and that was what nature had intended. So, is it wrong for a boy to want to marry a boy?"

The martial artist thought for a moment, his chin resting on Seifer's head. "Okay, two men can't have a baby, but that doesn't matter. Love isn't about biology. Love is... the feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Love is always wanting to be with that person, even if you just sit there and watch television together. Love is friendship, and affection and... it's love. It just is. You can love anyone you want to in any way you want to."

"How did you love me? When I was big?"

Zell bit his lip. That simple trust, that Zell had loved him, he had no doubt in his mind. "I loved you a lot, but I don't think you knew how much. You meant a lot to me, you still do."

"Did I love you like you loved me?"

No, Zell thought. "I'm sure that you can answer that better than I could." He brushed a light kiss on Seifer's forehead. "Try to sleep, Seifie. I'll be here if you have nightmares."

"Not nightmares," Seifer mumbled, "memories."

0

The next few days passed peacefully. Seifer managed to stay out of trouble for the most part, and Zell had no missions any further away than Balamb township.

It was a Friday night. Zell planned to take Seifer to meet his Ma the next day and spend the night down in the township. Seifer was at a late afternoon training session with Squall, who had finally returned back home.

Zell went down to the locker room, planning on grabbing his dirty training gear from earlier in the year and maybe grabbing a shower under the high pressure water heads.

He was rummaging through his locker when he felt a hand land on his butt with frightening familiarity.

He yelped and spun around, intent on knocking the bastard flat on his face.

"Whoa, easy, Zell!"

"Tannin? What the fuck are you doing?" He slammed his locker door. "Where do you get off doing that to me?"

Tannin grinned and leant over Zell. "Look, everyone in Garden knows which way you swing. It's no big deal."

"Yeah, and half the Garden have felt the butt of your swing, so I'm not interested." Zell sighed. "Look, you're a nice guy, Tannin, but you're not my type."

"How do you know if you want give it a try?" He stepped a little closer. "I can promise to give you a night you'll remember."

"Thanks, but no, really." He backed up a bit more, hit the locker. "I'm not interested, Tannin. There's someone I'm waiting for."

"Wouldn't it be better to give him a night to remember, with an experienced lover rather than an unsure virgin?" Tannin pressed closer.

"No. It wouldn't. Leave me alone. Don't make me do something we'll both regret."

Tannin backed off. Zell breathed a small sigh of relief and Tannin shrugged. "I guess you need a facial scar to get you to look twice."

"What?!" The blonde's face went red with humiliation and anger.

"Squall and Seifer. I've seen you, Dincht. I watched you watching Almasy's butt when we had our test, and the way you smile at Squall is a dead give away."

"Leave them out of it. You're just not my type." He locked the metal door and stepped past the raven haired boy. "Good bye, Tannin."

He left, jaw set, trying not to tremble at just how close Tannin had been on his assumptions.

0

Seifer was a lot quieter that night. They ate in the cafeteria when the boy got out from classes, keeping to themselves in a corner.

Tannin was watching them. Zell had caught him staring a few times, he had managed to keep Seifer from looking, he didn't think the boy would react so well to a possible 'threat' to Zell, no matter how trivial it actually was.

"Zell?"

"Yeah, Seifie?"

The little blonde scowled for a moment than continued. "Instructor Mants asked me some weird questions today, after class. She asked me about you."

"Oh?" Zell turned back to his roast. "What did she say?"

"She asked me if I stayed in your room, and where did I sleep when I stayed. She looked really weird when I said I stayed with you in your bed, and then..." he frowned. "She asked me if you touched me in bed."

Zell's eyes were getting wider and more incredulous. "She did, did she? What did you say?"

"I told her that I know what child abuse is and if she thinks I'd ever let someone abuse me and keep their hands she had another thing coming."

The two blondes looked at each other for a moment before they both started laughing loudly. Everyone was staring, but neither of them cared.

0

Seifer stayed over again, his room was mostly used for storage now. Zell stayed up late, well past two in the morning, thinking about what Seifer had said to him.

Someone had obviously told Instructor Mants that Seifer was being abused by him. That sort of notion came from somewhere, and Seifer didn't have the typical abused child profile.

Was he doing Seifer any harm with this? If it were anyone else, he certainly wouldn't have let him continue sleeping in his bed, but Seifer wasn't a child.

Not really. He'd shown that a lot.

"Zell? What are you doing up?"

He turned around. Seifer was standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes sleepily. The scars on his chest were dark in the moonlight, his pajama pants low on his hips.

Zell turned away. "Just thinking, Seifer. Go back to bed."

"I can't sleep. What if they try to take me away from you?"

"They won't. Squall knows what's going on." Zell felt a heat rise in his cheeks. "I'll be there soon, go back to bed."

"Yes, Zell."

Zell clutched his hair. He missed Seifer. A lot.

He missed time alone.

He sighed and went to bed.

0

Everything had changed in the morning. They were back to their usual joking about as they packed for the weekend in Balamb, Zell carrying Seifer in a piggy back down to the motorbike.

They loaded their gear, and headed into town.

Seifer loved the motorbike. He clung onto Zell's waist, yelling above the cutting wind with joyful whoops of laughter. Zell found himself laughing along, the sound too infectious to ignore.

They tore into the town and down to Ma Dincht's house.

She was standing in the doorway, beaming as they pulled up. She knew what was going on with Seifer, she smiled at him just as warmly. "Come inside boys, I have some fish fried up and ready to eat, I bet you didn't even have breakfast before you left."

Zell glanced at Seifer and winked. "No, Ma, we came straight here."

She tutted and walked over, taking Seifer's duffel from him. "It's nice to meet you at long last, Seifer, Zell's told me a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs Dincht." He stuck out his hand, she shook it firmly.

"Call me, Ma, Seifer, I insist on it." She smiled and ushered him inside, glancing over him to Zell. "What has my boy been feeding you, you're far too thin, you need some meat on your bones."

Zell smiled and followed them inside.

Ma fed them breakfast, twice, and had a picnic packed for the beach. It was a short walk, so they wandered down to the shoreline for the day.

It was a bright and sunny day. Ma stayed on the beach to bask, the two boys changed into board shorts and played in the surf until lunch.

They ate two lunches, Ma Dincht was determined to build them up more, and they basked for a while in the sun before going back to play in the sea.

It was the best day Zell had had in a long time.

They bought fish and chips and ate them on the sand. Ma Dincht had gone home by then, but the two boys stayed on into the night, wandering along the beach and talking about nothing.

They went home at ten, eating strawberry ice cream, covered in salt and sand and exhausted.

Ma glared at them half heartedly when they got in. Seifer looked mildly apologetic but Zell just laughed and ushered him upstairs to wash off the worst of the beach muck.

They crammed into the shower in their bathers, using the blasting water to scour away the sand. Zell retreated to let Seifer finish bathing, he stepped in when Seifer scurried out and down to Zell's bedroom.

It was relaxing. Zell washed off, trying to be quick before the hot water ran out or his Ma started to yell at him.

He got out and padded down to his room. Seifer was asleep on Zell's bed, sprawled out in his boxers. Zell smiled fondly and pulled the blankets up over the boy, tucking him in loosely.

He went down stairs for a drink. He needed a drink.

0

"Zell?"

He looked up and smiled wanly. "Hey, Ma."

"My poor baby. This is crushing you, isn't it?" She leant down and kissed his forehead, like he did to Seifer every night. "The man you love, trapped in a child's body."

"No, I could deal with that. It's this in between that's hard. He's remembering things, he's not a child, not really, but he is at the same time. Sometimes, he's like Seifer again, old Seifer, and I feel so sick for thinking what I do."

"Honey, it's not the boy upstairs you think about." She sat down and pulled his head to her bosom, rocking him softly. "You're thinking about a man, the man you know, not the boy he looks like. It's different."

Zell nodded and listened to the comforting heart beat until Ma woke him up and made him go to bed.

0

The next morning, Zell woke up with Seifer half on him, his fingers curling and uncurling on Zell's ribs.

The older boy started laughing and rolled his ward off onto the mattress again. Seifer mumbled and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Bleh, I dunno." He peered at the clock. "About ten. Why?"

"I feel so tired." He lay down again, snuggling up to Zell. "Wake me up at twelve."

Zell smiled and ruffled the dark blonde head. "Sure."

Seifer went back to sleep. Zell watched him for a while before getting up and dressed for the day.

0

Sunday was far lazier than Saturday. They ate lunch, both of them, at about one, before spending the afternoon building a new cabinet for the kitchen out in the garage. Seifer was good with hands, Zell was glad to have a good student with him.

They cleaned up, promised to come back next weekend if they could and packed their gear up on the motorbike to go back.

As Garden came into view, the mood changed. Seifer became quieter and Zell found his own enthusiasm quenched by the sober child.

They stopped in the garage and unpacked in silence.

They trudged back to Zell's room in the same silence. On an unspoken agreement, Seifer went to his room, glancing at Zell before he went in.

Zell had never felt like a bigger bastard.

He went to the shower room to have a nice long soak. There was something reassuring about that room, reminded him of less complicated days.

He stepped into one of the showers, relaxing slightly under the water spray. He knew it was a bit late to be in here, but he hoped that it would stay empty. Nice and empty and quiet.

He zoned out for a bit, leaning his face up to the water.

Hands closed on his hips. He tried to spin, he was yanked against a warm body, hand closing over his mouth.

"I just want to talk, Zell."

Tannin. The crazy mother fucker. He squirmed, trying to get free, but the other boy was quite strong.

"I just saw you in here, you are so hot, you have no idea how badly I want you."

The sharp thrust against his lower back gave him an idea. He kicked backwards, smacking Tannin in the leg. The grip loosened a bit, encouraged by a sharp bite to the hand over his mouth.

He backed away from Tannin, eyes blazing with anger. "Don't ever touch me without permission. Ever!"

Tannin cussed and stood up, flicking back his hair. He was wearing a towel, he wiped his palm on it, staring at Zell.

He should have realised it was coming, but Tannin was that bit faster. He threw out his hand, a venomous black swirl engulfing Zell.

He knew this spell. This was Pain. Tannin must have bribed it off someone who had been to Esthar recently.

The world reeled. His vision was blurred, his head reeling and he could feel poison lurching through his system. He stumbled back, felt hands grab him. He swung wildly, but his wrists were grabbed.

"Let him go, you arsehole!"

He knew that childish voice anywhere. "Seifer, get out! Get Squall, get out!" Hyne, he thought, don't let him get Seifer, don't let Seifer get caught in this.

He was dropped, the poison gave another lurch, sending Zell to his knees. He saw Tannin's form advancing towards a glowering blonde child near the door.

"You. He loves you so much, and all you ever did was treat him like shit. You, the Knight, the traitor, you broke him. You don't deserve a second chance."

Zell saw Tannin throw the spell at Seifer. Seifer disappeared for a moment, and Zell could hear himself screaming for the boy.

Seifer appeared from the blackness and smiled. "I'm immune to status magic. Eat fire, arsehole."

The fireball tore from Seifer's hand and slammed Tannin backwards. The SeeD was fortunate. He passed out as he hit the wall.

"Seifer, are you okay? Seifer?" Zell struggled to his feet, reaching out to the child.

"Zell?" He heard footsteps run over, and small hands smoothed over his face. "What did he do to you, Zell? What did he do?"

"Shh." Zell convulsed as the poison searched deeper. "Get my robe, Seifie, and push the emergency button on the wall. The red one."

Seifer grabbed the robe and gave it to Zell, before hitting the button. He hurried back over, cradling Zell's head on his lap. "I'm sorry, Zell. I'm sorry."

He felt the tears fall onto his face. "It's all right, Seifie, you didn't do anything wrong."

"I hurt you. I hurt you so much, for so long. Why didn't you tell me, Zell?!"

Zell felt the shift of power this time, this close. Muscles rippled, magic was palpatable in the air as Seifer bent over and started to scream.

Zell grabbed his hand and passed out.

to be continued...


	5. Age Fourteen

This time, he wasn't there for Seifer when he came around from the shift. Instead, he opened his eyes to see a worried face leaning over him, aged about fourteen.

"Seifie?"

"Zell? How do you feel?"

"Like someone has inflicted large amounts of pain on me." He winced and sat up awkwardly. "You?"

Seifer leant to help Zell sit, propping the pillows under him. "I'm fine. I was hungry, but I've eaten now. I feel good." The teenager's hands slid back along one arm to hold Zell's hand. "Are you really okay?"

"I will be." Zell smiled and closed his eyes again. "I must have been out a while."

"A few hours. Don't worry about it." Seifer smiled again, it seemed strange to see such a familiar face wearing such an unfamiliar emotion. "Doc said you had to sleep more."

"And you? When are you planning on sleeping?"

"It's a third night." Seifer shrugged. "I'm not going to get any sleep anyway. Not like I have anything to do tomorrow."

"You have class."

"Get real, Zell. I'm fourteen, or so the doctor said. I'm too old for those classes now." He shrugged and smoothed Zell's hair back from his face. "Go to sleep, Zell. I'll stay here until you doze off."

Zell's eyes were already drifting shut. He smiled at his charge. "Okay, Seifie."

"Night, Zell."

Zell felt soft lips brush his forehead, but he was already to far asleep to do anything.

0

When he woke in the morning, he felt a lot better.

He also felt a warm breath against his cheek.

Squinting, Zell peered to his side. Seifer was sitting on the chair, head on Zell's pillow, fast asleep. One hand rested lightly on his chest, fingers twitching slightly as he mumbled in his sleep.

He smiled and ran his hand through the dark blonde hair.

Seifer's eyes flickered before blinking open sleepily. He smiled as he saw Zell. "Mornin'."

"Morning, Seif. Your neck hurt from sleeping like that?"

"Not really." The boy sat up and winced. "A bit. I haven't been asleep that long." He glanced at his watch and yawned again. "About three hours... two and half."

"Seifer, you need more sleep. Go to your room and sleep." Zell tried to sound like a figure of authority but it was hard when lying in a hospital bed.

"I'm fine. I'd sooner stay here with you." Seifer smiled again, that soft tender grin of his that Zell was getting far too used to seeing. "Besides, Doc said you'll need a few days of care, so I can do that while they sort out what to do with me for schooling."

"Er, are you sure, Seifer?"

"Of course. You looked after me, I love you, of course I'll look after you." He beamed at the older boy.

Zell continued to stare. He said love, he thought, he's getting older, and he still says love me.

"Zell?"

"Huh?" He blinked. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You went spacey."

"I'm fine... must be the last of the poison working through."

"Well..." Seifer didn't look convinced. "If you say so."

"I do say so." Zell nodded to himself. "And you need sleep."

"I've slept less and been fine." He cracked his back out. "Doc said, earlier this morning, at about six, that you could go back to your rooms once you woke up, but you have to take a wheelchair, so that your limbs don't get fatigued."

"Wheelchair?"

"Yes, wheelchair. Chair with wheels." Seifer smirked and wandered into the next room, coming back with said equipment. "Come on."

Zell grumbled but slid on his robe and stepped out of bed. He did feel horribly weak, he hadn't realised how bad he was until that moment.

Hands steadied him and half lifted him into the chair. He sighed as he sat, feeling the trembling leave his legs. "Thanks."

"No problems." Seifer flicked the brakes off and turned the chair around. "I'll take you back to your room and then head down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast. I know, hot dogs for you, six."

Zell's stomach lurched. He closed his eyes and just felt the soft movements of the chair and Seifer wheeled him back home. "No, just some fruit. I still feel a bit off."

"You okay to go home?" A cool hand pressed against his forehead. "You're warm."

"Am I? I guess I must be. I feel cool."

"Not too far now." Seifer smiled down and lay a hand over Zell's eyes. "You should sleep."

"I'm staying awake until I'm home and fed." Zell yawned and blushed. "And then I'm going back to sleep."

"Fine, fine." Seifer chuckled and kept walking.

Zell closed his eyes and leant his head against Seifer's hand. Just to alleviate his headache for a moment.

0

He sat up sharp.

The sunlight was filtering in through the curtains, casting a weak gold glow on the room. There was the sound of meditation music from next door.

He was definitely in his room. He must have fallen asleep on the way back.

With a grimace, Zell got up on trembling legs. He drew his blankets around his shoulders, padding over to the door and peering out.

Seifer sat on the floor, legs folded into the lotus position. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed.

He looked so much older in that moment, he looked like he was nineteen again.

"Zell? What are you doing up?"

He blinked and saw Seifer was standing up. "I just heard the music."

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." Seifer moved over to him, an arm going around his waist. "You all right? Where do you want to go?"

"I'm fine, really, I can walk." He laughed and batted away Seifer's hands, making it to the couch before his legs gave out. "I'm just a bit hungry." He sniffed and grimaced. "And I stink. I never did get that shower I went in there for."

Seifer looked away. Zell watched him, he was like a kicked puppy. "Seif? What's wrong, munchkin?"

Seifer chuckled softly. "I'm as tall as you, Zell."

"Maybe, but you'll always be my munchkin now. What's wrong?"

"I'm just, I'm sorry I wasn't there earlier. I mean... he didn't... you were both naked, and you kept screaming and I..." he went bright red and hid his face in his hand. "Never mind."

"No, he didn't. He might have though." Zell shivered and wrapped the blankets tighter. "Oh Hyne, he was going to rape me."

The reality of that fact crashed over him and he started shivering uncontrollably in his little cocoon.

Seifer was next to him in seconds, pulling him close and stroking his hair, littering light kisses over his forehead, just like Zell used to do when he had his nightmares. "It's okay, Zell, he's gone now, you're okay, right? You're just a little sick, he didn't do anything to you. Anyone ever touches you again, I'll kill them, okay? I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you." He was getting the slightly hysterical edge that kids get when they see an older sibling crying. "Please, Zell, it's okay. Really."

"Seifer..." He clung onto the boy's t-shirt, burying his face. Warm arms encircled him, pushing away the blankets to hug him better. "Seifer."

"No one else is going to touch you. You're going to marry me, remember?"

Zell giggled quietly.

"I can't have anyone else laying a finger on my -wife-."

"Oi!" Zell hit Seifer in the chest, laughing as hard as the other boy was. "I ain't gonna be your wife, Almasy. I've cleaned that butt of yours, it belongs to me."

"Sure thing, Zell." Seifer leant in, eyes bright. "All yours."

Zell's breath caught. This was something he was not expecting. Seifer stared at him, breaths shallow and slightly fast, the hand on Zell's shoulder twitched in anticipation.

Their lips were so close.

This was so wrong.

Zell backed away, looking to the bathroom. Seifer coughed and sat up again, scratching his head. "You hungry, Zell?"

"Yeah, rather. What happened to breakfast?"

"You went to sleep and I had to carry you to your bed. There's some apples, I could cut them up. Are you feeling sick still?"

He thought about it. His stomach felt tight. "A bit."

"Okay. I'll start a bath for you and get something to eat." Seifer stood up, helping Zell to his feet, letting go quickly.

Zell headed back to his bedroom for clothing. He heard the water turn on and footsteps tread back out to the kitchen.

He went to the bathroom, shutting the door but not locking it. If he slipped he wanted Seifer to be able to get in without having to call Squall or maintenance to open the door.

He flicked off the taps, it was nice to be able to have a deep bath, and stripped before stepping into the tub.

It was hot, almost scalding. It felt good. He sank into the water with a happy sigh, sliding his head under the surface.

He surfaced and decided he needed a bubble bath.

0

He had washed, done his hair and was now soaking in a bath that reminded him of apples and spring grass.

There was a light knock at the door. "Zell? You haven't drowned, have you?"

"Yes, but I'm comfortable doing it, so don't worry."

There was a low chuckle. "I've got your breakfast, can I come in?"

"Um, sure." Zell sat up a bit, making sure that there was enough bubbles to cover his modesty.

Seifer stepped in, cheeks faintly coloured. He held out a plate of apples, peeled and sliced, and a glass of water. "Matron's wonder cure for nausea."

Zell grinned and took the plate, popping a slice into his mouth. It was tart but sweet, he smiled happily. "Fanks, Seifua."

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Seifer smirked and sat on the sink counter, swinging his legs idly. "But you're welcome."

Zell rested the plate on the corner of the bath and stretched again. "What time is it?"

"One, but I wouldn't worry about it. Isn't that getting cold?"

"Kinda." One foot came out to flick on the hot water before submerging again. Zell took another slice of apple. "Well, I guess this could be the last one."

"Huh?" Seifer looked up form the floor. "What do you mean?"

"The last shift before you're you again. I mean, you were about a year, then five, then nine, now fourteen, the next one will probably be nineteen, your actual age."

"Yeah, I guess." He looked down again. "Did I make you cry a lot, Zell?"

"No. You used to rile me, but you changed."

"After the Sorceress War."

Zell sat bolt upright. "How did... have you remembered?"

"Sort of. We talked about it in class. She didn't say names, but I know who she meant. I was the one who captured SeeDs and tortured them for information. I was the one who sold out Garden. I was the one who put that scar on your rib cage."

"Seifer... you're a good person. No matter what they say, you are. I've known you nearly all my life." He reached out a hand, Seifer slid from the counter to kneel by Zell. "You understand me? You did what you did, but it's gone. Everything was all right in the end, you made amendments, we know what happened. It's forgiven. Anyone who says otherwise is a jerk."

Seifer laughed and lay his head on the edge of the bath. "I love you, Zell."

Zell's voice caught in his throat. He stroked Seifer's hair, his eyes closed. "I love you too, Seif."

0

Zell was lying on the couch, dressed and fed and feeling a hundred times better. Seifer was scrawling some notes about the first Sorceress War into his notebook, fingers drumming away to the music on his walkman.

It was a very lazy evening.

"Zell... how do Grats breed?"

Zell spat out his water. "What?"

"One of my homework questions. How do Grats breed?"

"Um." Zell scratched his head. "They're plants, so I guess they have pollen and... I think they spread their pollen like normal plants."

"So how about dragons?" Seifer leant his chin on his hand.

"Err... is this your homework, Seifer? I thought you were doing the first war."

The blonde looked at his paper. "Finished that. Question five, detail the way in which the three monsters you have been studying breed. I did grats, dragons and Marlboros. I guess Marlboros are plants, so they'd be like the grats, but dragons are animals."

"Shouldn't you have done this in your research?" Zell turned to look over the back of the couch.

"I only just transferred into the class, I haven't done anything yet. So how do dragons breed?"

"Like normal lizards I guess. I dunno, it never came up before." Zell got up and sat down at the table, spinning the paper to look at the questions.

The neat cursive handwriting made him smile a little as he scanned the page. "You haven't done the guardian forces section either."

"I know, I'll get around to it. It's not due in for two days." Seifer lay aside his pen and scratched his head. "Zell, do I have a guardian junctioned?"

"Yes, you do. You have Alexander."

"Oh. Is that I why I can cast magic?"

"Yes."

"And no one can take him from me, can they?"

"No." Zell wondered where this was going.

"So, I coulda used him in the locker room, instead of that silly fire spell."

Ah. Zell pulled Seifer over to him, wrapping his arms around the boy's shoulders. "You did what you could, and you saved me. You saved me, Seifer, you couldn't have done anymore."

"I could have been there to begin with. I knew he was looking at you funny."

"It doesn't matter. It's happened, it's past, it can't be changed and it doesn't need to be." He kissed Seifer's head. "I think you should take a break and relax for a while."

"Okay, Zell." They moved over to the couch, Seifer curling up and laying his head in Zell's lap. "Zell?"

"Yes, Seif?"

"The past can't hurt us, right?"

"Right."

"Okay."

They sat in silence and watched the television.

0

Seifer refused to go home that night, so Zell gave in and let him stay over. It was late, past midnight, but Zell couldn't sleep.

He sat in the lounge room, wrapped in his dressing gown, staring out of the window.

So much had changed in the last six months. Six months ago, he'd been heading off to fight a young sorceress in Balamb. Six months ago, Seifer, as the only SeeD available, had been sent with him.

Now, Seifer was asleep in his bed. Seifer was fourteen, after spending two months as two, five and nine.

Seifer thought he loved him.

Zell started to laugh bitterly. He loved Seifer, without a doubt, these last few months had only made him love the other boy more, but Seifer didn't even remember who he was.

In two months, it would all be over.

"Zell? What's wrong?"

The older blonde forced himself to be neutral. "Nothing, Seifie. Go back to bed, you have class tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" Seifer came over, laying his hand on Zell's face, eyes narrowing. "I did it again, didn't I?"

Zell must have looked confused because Seifer continued after a moment. "I made you cry again."

Zell held Seifer's hand to his cheek. "No, Seif, you didn't. I was just thinking."

"Don't lie to me, Zell. I'm not a little boy anymore. I'm not that much younger than you anymore. I made you cry." He glared, almost daring Zell to contradict him.

"You didn't make me cry. I was thinking about things, and I got a little, tiny bit teary. I wasn't crying because of anything you did."

Seifer continued to stare him in the eye. "Is it because I'm growing up? Or because I was a child and you don't want a child?"

"No, it isn't you, Seifer. You didn't do anything wrong." Zell stood up and wrapped his arms around Seifer, feeling slightly guilty for these stolen moments that he could treasure when Seifer would shun his touch.

Seifer bumped his cheek against Zell's, rubbing them together. Zell stroked his hand over the lean back, eyes half closed. Seifer leant closer, his breath brushed over his guardian's ear.

They swayed slightly, Seifer's arms around Zell's waist, Zell's around the lean neck, holding each other, both trying to offer comfort to something nameless that plagued them.

Seifer moved back, Zell turned his face blindly and felt lips touch his. Without thought he pushed back softly, felt the other's mouth open slightly.

The touch of a slick tongue against his lips brought him from his stupor. He wrenched away from Seifer, hand going to his mouth, eyes wide with shock.

Seifer stared back, he looked bewildered, almost confused. "Zell?"

"We can't do this, Seif." Zell stepped back again. "You're fourteen."

"Except I'm not, Zell." Seifer stepped forwards, eyes desperate. "I'm nineteen, Zell. I'm nineteen years old, and my mind's catching up and soon my body will too. I love you, Zell. I love you so much." He almost stumbled forwards another step, hand reaching out to Zell.

Zell stared at him. "You're a child, Seifer. I'm your guardian. I can't, we can't be doing this."

"But I love you! I want you." He sank to his knees, head down. "I love you, Zell. I need you."

"You've never needed anyone, Seifer. Least of all me." He closed his eyes, feeling the pain in his chest. For once, he couldn't just hug Seifer and make it all better, because it wouldn't be. It wouldn't be enough. "When you're an adult, you'll remember, and it'll be different. You're just young, and I'm all you remember, and when you're you again, you won't need me." He turned away and wrapped his arms around his waist. "You won't love me. You never loved me, Seifer. You hated me. And that's the truth you kept asking for.

"You hated me, and that's why I cry. Because it isn't going to last."

Zell closed the door to his bedroom as he heard Seifer running out of the suite.

0

Zell spent the day in bed, not willing to get up and face the world. Seifer's papers were still on the table, but he didn't want to pack them up and send them over to the boy's room.

He did it anyway, sending a young cadet to slip the papers into Seifer's mail slot.

He got up in earnest at about five. He dressed, though he didn't bother with his shoes, and made himself a sandwich.

At about six, Quistis burst into his room. Her hair was slightly messy, and her cheeks were flushed. "Zell, have you seen Seifer?"

He looked up. "No. Not since last night. Why?"

Solemnly, she handed him a letter. Zell took it, feeling his heart clench painfully as he read the familiar script.

'I fucked up, I fucked up bad, so I can't stay. I want to, but I can't, because it hurts. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

'I don't want to age again if it means I become that man again.'

Zell closed his eyes. "When did you find it?"

"About half an hour ago. He never showed up to his classes today, we found it in his room. No sign of him."

Zell stood up. "Okay. He's not in Garden?"

"No. No one's seen him." She pushed her glasses on top of her head. "What happened, Zell? Why is he so scared of being himself, it's all he talked about, growing up and being with you."

Zell was silent as he pulled on his boots and picked up his gloves. "I'll tell you on the way to Balamb. He might have gone to Ma's."

Quistis followed him out and down to the garage.

He told her everything. The kiss, what he had said, Seifer's desperation. There was no point in hiding it. She was quiet, not admonishing, just thoughtful as they pulled into Balamb and stopped outside the Dincht house.

Zell was thumping on the door within moments. Ma opened it, looking confused and worried. "Zell? Honey, what's wrong?"

"Have you seen Seifer, Ma? About fourteen, has he been here?"

"Seifer? No, not since you two came down. What's going on?"

Zell shook his head and hands. "Can't stay to talk, if he rocks up, can you keep him hear and call Garden, tell them where he is?"

She nodded, about to ask more when Zell ran back to the car. "I'll tell you when we find Seifer!"

The car drove off, and Ma Dincht watched it leave, confused and worried.

0

They checked the train and found out that a boy matching Seifer's description had been lurking around, but hadn't had the money to pay for a ticket. Zell guessed that something as trivial as a lack of cash wouldn't have stopped Seifer and he took the train over to Dollet, trying to piece out where Seifer had gone from there.

Quistis stayed in Balamb to contact Matron and start a proper search team looking for the boy.

Dollet was as open as ever. Zell contacted the Forest Owls, they said they'd be back with whatever they could find.

So, he was booked into a hotel for the night, staring at the ceiling, wondering if he could have handled that night any worse.

Admittedly he could have, but not by much. He had crushed Seifer's hopes and told him that everything he felt and thought was a lie, and that he had been a dreadful person when he was an adult.

Well, what Seifie considered to be dreadful, and that was all that really mattered.

Zell rolled onto his side. He would have thought Seifer would go to Ma's, maybe to Esthar.

His phone rang, he rolled over and grabbed it, flicking it open. "Hello?"

Zell? It's Quistis. 

His heart caught. "Have you...?"

No. I contacted Matron, she's keeping an eye out for him, if he comes into Esthar the guards will take him to the palace and she'll keep him there, but I don't think he will. 

Zell nodded to himself. Seifer didn't like Esthar, he wouldn't want to retreat into those memories. He'd go somewhere more familiar.

"Oh Hyne, how fucking stupid do you want? Quistis, grab the Ragnarok, come and get me from Dollet. I know where he is."

You do? But- 

"No, no time. Please, Quistie, trust me." He sounded desperate. He was.

All right. I'll be there as soon as I can. 

"Thanks, Quistis. I owe you. I'll see you soon." Zell scrabbled to get dressed and sat outside the town, waiting for the ship.

Quistis appeared within an hour. Zell scrambled onto the ship and up to the cockpit, turning to her with apologetic eyes.

She nodded. "I understand. I'll catch the train back."

He slipped into the seat, waited until she was safe on the ground and tore off into sky.

He was going home.

0

The ship landed within the reach of the beam of the lighthouse. Zell headed off, padding over to the derelict house and pushing aside the wooden door.

He could see the footprints, bare footed, though the dirt and dust on the floor.

He went out the back, to the cliffs and the garden. The garden was empty, not a flower broken from feet, but the sand had been shifted under the weight of a teenaged body.

He walked down the trail, shedding his own shoes, until he hit the beach. A lone figure sat by the water, knees drawn to his chest, staring out at the waves.

"Seifer?"

The blonde head dipped, the moonlight made his hair silver. Zell came closer until he was nearly next to the boy.

"I'm sorry, Seifer. I shouldn't have said those things."

"Why? It was the truth. That's what I wanted." He didn't look up, just kept talking into his arms. "I was a bastard. I made you cry constantly, I picked on you, teased you, bullied you. I tried to kill you. I hated you, and I don't know how, because all I can ever remember is how much I love you. I don't want to stop loving you, Zell."

Zell knelt down, wrapping one arm around Seifer. "Maybe you'll remember this, Seifer. Maybe you were just a jerk because you did care. I don't know. But until you're an adult, we can't be anything. No matter how I feel, I don't love you like that as a child."

Seifer laughed, slightly bitterly. "You love the me that hates you, but can't love the me that loves you like that."

The older boy thought about it for a moment. "Er, yeah, I guess." He kissed Seifer's cheek. "I love you, Seifer, I meant that."

"I know." He buried his face in his arms. "I want to always love you."

They sat there and watched the ocean until it swept over their bare toes and Zell carried the sleeping Seifer back up to the Ragnarok.

0

They slept on the ship. Zell was unwilling to fly while tired, so he settled Seifer in the captain's cabin and curled up with him. He couldn't help it, he needed to feel Seifer next to him.

Seifer woke up first. Zell woke to feel hands, nearly as large as his own, smoothing over his face.

"Hm, Seif, you gotta stop that."

"Why?" Soft lips touched his cheek. "I promise not to kiss you again. I just like the feel of your skin."

"Okay." He rolled over, cuddling Seifer for a moment. The teen kissed his cheek again, leaning in closer and to kiss the other.

Zell shot out of bed. "Seifer! What were you..." he blushed, he knew what he had felt when the teen had pressed against him.

Seifer coloured and pulled the blankets over him and up to his chest. "Err, I didn't think. I'm sorry. I... I need a shower."

Seifer bolted from the room, leaving Zell to sit there blushing.

0

They got back to Garden in the afternoon. Zell had called ahead and told them, he also called Ma and reassured her that Seifer had been found, alive and well.

Quistis had scolded Seifer until he was red with embarrassment before she set onto Zell. Both of them had escaped from her wrathful clutches and fled back to Zell's room, laughing and gasping as they locked the door behind them.

They looked at each other for a moment. "Zell?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm starting to remember things." Seifer's eyes were dim for a moment as he remembered something. "I feel like I..." He turned to Zell again, and there was a dawning awareness in them for a moment.

And then Seifer's mouth crashed against Zell's, hands tightening around the older boy. Zell struggled for a moment, it felt all together too good for him to keep doing it.

It was illegal and immoral and horribly, temptingly good.

Seifer let go and backed off. "I'm sorry, I know, but Zell... I'm fourteen." He leant in closer, his breath was hot. "Zell, I want you, before I become me again."

Zell cupped the soft face in his hand. "That's why we can't, Seif. It isn't you." He chastely kissed Seifer's lips. "I can't betray the man I care for like that."

Seifer sighed and leant back. "I can't promise I won't keep trying, Zell."

"I know. You wouldn't be you if you could. I can't promise you anything beyond being your guardian, Seif."

"I know, Zell."

They sat there, in silence, until Zell startled to giggle again.

They both lost it and laughed until they couldn't breathe.

0

It was a hard routine, but it did them well. Seifer stayed with Zell, even sharing his bed, and every morning he would try and tempt Zell. Every morning, Zell would knock him back gently and go and make them breakfast so that Seifer could have the first shower.

The memories were flicking back and forth. Sometimes, Seifer would look at Zell as though he were seeing him for the first time, at others he would be so familiar it made Zell ache.

A month passed. It was rough, but they were getting there. Seifer was growing more melancholic as he realised that soon he would shift for the last time.

And then it would all be over.

It was Friday. Zell was watching Seifer and Squall spar, Seifer holding his own frighteningly well against the older boy.

Squall flicked his Gunblade at Seifer's midsection and the boy screamed. Squall drew back immediately, showing honest confusion as Seifer doubled over, clutching at his stomach.

Zell was there in seconds. "What did you do to him?!" He screamed at Squall.

"Nothing. I didn't contact." Squall stepped back again when Seifer hit the ground, hands desperately grasping at his midsection.

Zell ran his hands over Seifer's back soothingly. "It's okay, Seif, you weren't touched. Seif, please, you're fine. You're not hit."

Jade eyes flicked up. "I..." he choked on pain, head arching back for a moment before he managed to look Zell in the eye again. "I love you."

"Seifer?" Zell reached to grab the boy when rose coloured lightning crackled from his gut, lancing out over his form.

Zell tried to reach in, Squall grabbed him and pulled him back. "Don't be an idiot, it might strike you. We can't do anything."

"But what's happening?" Zell lurched against Squall's arms again.

"I don't know, but we can't do anything." Squall threw them to the ground as the electricity got particularly violent. Seifer screamed, Zell could feel tears on his face.

"I can't leave him!" He pushed against the man lying on him.

There was another scream, and Squall covered their heads with his jacket, cutting out the light. Zell thought he saw a tear on his face.

Then, it went quiet.

Squall rolled off Zell, both of them sat and looked over, Zell already scrambling to his feet. "Seifer!"

The prone form lay on the scorched ground, eyes closed. Zell rushed over, skidding to a halt mere feet away. "Seifer?"

The man did not move, but his chest rose and fell steadily. Zell knelt down, taking the massive hand in his own, holding it tight. "Seifer? Wake up, Seif. It's over."

Those words hit him. It was over. Months of playing and sharing, even the stolen kisses that he had rejected time and again, it was all over.

Squall called in for a medical team as Zell held Seifer's hand.

But he had no more tears to cry.

to be concluded...


	6. Age Nineteen

Zell was sitting in his room. They had taken Seifer down to medical to be checked up and left until he gained consciousness again.

All of Seifer's belongings sat in a box. He had packed up everything that had been left behind, mainly books and clothes, and put Midi on top.

The Chocobo had quickly found its way back onto Zell's lap, where he clutched it like he had as a child.

There was a knock on the door. Zell's heart caught, he dropped Midi back into the box. "Come in."

Quistis stepped in, her face apologetic. "Sorry, not him. He woke up though."

Zell stared up at her, and she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Zell. He doesn't seem to remember anything."

"Oh."

It was the same pitiful noise Seifie had made months ago when Midi had been declared missing. Quistis knelt down, taking Zell's hand in hers. "I'm sorry, Zell."

"No, it's fine. I take it someone was explaining what had happened?"

"Squall." She stood up. "Do you want me to take the box down to him?"

"No." Zell stood up. "I'll do it. I gotta face him eventually."

The woman nodded. "All right. If you're sure."

"I'm sure, Quistie." He picked up the box. "Aren't you going to wish me luck?"

She smiled. "Good luck."

0

Zell knocked, waiting until he heard the deep voice rumble, "Yeah?" before he came in.

"Seifer?"

The taller blonde turned around. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, looking nothing like the feared Seifer Almasy but more like little Seifie for a moment. "Yeah?"

"Did Squall... you know, talk to you? About the last seven months?"

Seifer nodded and turned back to the bed. He was undoing the laces on his boots slowly. Zell hung his head and dumped the box on the end of the mattress. "This is your stuff. And Midi."

One hand reached out and brushed over the Chocobo's fluffy little crest and down its cheek. Zell kept staring at the bird.

"Zell?"

The name caught him off guard for a second. "Yes, Seif?"

"I... I'm sorry."

That wasn't right. Seifer didn't apologise for anything. "What for?"

"For... making you cry. I never meant to make you cry."

Zell looked up at Seifer. The other man was staring at his boots, face downcast.

"I know, Seifer. You apologised before."

"I know, but I want you to know that I really did mean it. I meant it all." Seifer's head hung impossibly lower. "Do you... no, I mean," he trailed off.

"Seifer?" Something painful was rising in Zell, he suspected it was hope. "Do you remember?"

"Some. Not a lot from early on, but I remember the last month pretty well." He ran a hand through his hair, eyes flicking to Zell's. "I meant it. I..." he closed his eyes, forcing the words out. "I love you, Zell. I need you."

Zell smiled, and it came frighteningly easily. "I love you too, Seifer."

Seifer's eyes went wide and he smiled, and it was like seeing him smile for the first time. In a way it was.

They looked at each other for a moment. Zell reached out and curled his hand around Seifer's fingers. Seifer leant down a little, paused and whispered, "Is this okay now?"

Zell smiled and nodded and tipped his head up.

Seifer caught his jaw in one large hand and bent down to cover Zell's mouth with own.

And it was everything Zell had hoped and more.

The End (at last)


End file.
